2008

In a few days, 2008 will come to a close. It has been a helluva year. The economy is in the crapper, gas prices rose the highest in history while big oil reported record profits, the United States elected it's first non-white president while the Gov. of Illinois was charged with trying to sell the senate seat of the new president elect, R. Kelly got acquitted and O.J. got convicted, and Jennifer Hudson lost her mother, brother, and nephew in a horrific murder. The year has been a crazy one.

For me personally, 2008 was pretty eventful. I started a new life in a new city, I got my own family, I moved into a fantastic apartment, I experienced my first major snow shower, I took a major step towards commitment in my relationship, I had some major blow-ups in my relationship, I took a vacation out of the country, I decided to take my fate in to my own hands, and I most of all lived my life the way I wanted. As 2008 comes to a close, I pray that 2009 is even better to me. 2009 should bring some happy events, such as me getting engaged ;-), passing the Illinois Bar Exam and branching out on my own. I'm optimistic about the coming year. Life is what we make it. So if your 2008 wasn't that great, it's up to you to make 2009 much better. Even if you aren't where you want to be in life, there is something to be happy about and a reason to be optimistic about your future. Things change daily, so never judge tomorrow based on today.

I'm So Hood

Just because you are from the hood, it doesn't mean you have to act hood. As someone who grew up in the hood, I know first hand how typical individuals from that environment can act and how the rest of America expects them to act. However, I don't believe that you should let your environment define who you are. Like Tupac said just because you're in the ghetto, doesn't mean you can't grow. They are many highly successful individuals who saw their potential and made it out of the hood. This are the people who understood that just because you grow up in the ghetto it doesn't mean you have to act ghetto. There's no reason to walk around with a chip on your shoulder, always mad and yelling, always ready to fight and be just plain disrespectful. These are not flattering qualities. Why people embrace them I don't know. I do believe that anyone who grew up in the hood can let that hood come out when pushed to that point, that's just how it is. I don't advocate being "fake" or anything of that nature but I do believe in being respectful and acting like you have some common sense. That's what it boils down to for me: common sense. One should know how to act when in certain surroundings, it's just that plain and simple. It's a part of being an adult. Being ghetto is counter-productive and limits you ability to move up in life. That's just how the world works. And most of all its annoying embarrassing childish behavior often that is uncalled for. That's just my opinion.

"The One"

When it comes to relationships, people often spend years or sometimes even a lifetime searching for "the one". I question whether there is such a thing as "the one". There are over 6 billion people on Earth and we are expected to believe that there is only one other person out of all those people that you were meant to be with? If that's true, what if your true soul mate is someone who lives in Thailand or Uganda or Iceland and you never meet that person. I can't believe that there is only one person out there for me. I do believe my boyfriend is the person that I want to spend my life with but that doesn't mean there isn't someone 100 miles away or even 100,000 miles away that is perfect for me and that I would love just as much. So may people are disappointed when "the one" ends up being "the wrong one". How would you even know if the person you are with is "the one"? Matters of the heart are trick things and the heart can play tricks on us, so how can one really ever know if the person you love is your soul mate, if there is such a thing?

OMG!!!!!!

As I write these words, Barack Hussein Obama is the projected winner of the 2008 Presidential Election. Words can not explain the monumental meaning of this. Someone of part African-American descent will be the President of the United States. This is such a historical event that I's sure MLK, Malcolm X, Bernie Mac, Isaac Hayes, Tupac, and Biggie are having a glass of cognac and at least doing a two step. To witness this colossal happening is a great privilege not only for me but for children also. Seeing a black man do the unimaginable will serve to show my children that Yes they can do whatever they put they minds to. This will perhaps be the greatest fete in the 21st century. Obama winning gives me renewed hope in the human race and that means a great deal to me. Perhaps society is finally ready to embrace change and stop all the hate. And Tupac said we would never live to see a black president. I hope he's smiling up in thug heaven because YES WE DID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Senseless Killings

I just saw the report that a child's body was found in the trunk of Jennifer Hudson's murdered brother's missing SUV and we all know that the body will be identified as her missing nephew. I am deeply sadden by the events that have taken place this weekend and the tragedy that has befallen her family. As a mother, hearing about the death of a child breaks my heart especially when the child dies at the hands of brutality. Whoever murdered this family is a cold callous psychopath. Anyone who can take the life of a child has no heart and no conscience. It seems that everyday someone takes the life of another person. What has the world come to? The number of senseless killings seems to have magnified in recent years, with the youth of today having no value for human life not even their own. Senseless killings like that of Hudson's family should not go unpunished and hopefully the perpetrator is caught. My mind is just reeling from the news of this massacre. I don't really have the words to explain how angry this makes me. I'm so tired of reading about the murder of innocent people who have done nothing to deserve to lose their lives. What the hell is wrong with people? Will the killing ever stop? Is there anything we as a people can do to stop it? I have a lot of questions but no answers, hopefully someone else does.

Black Republicans

Is that an oxymoron? What type of black person finds him/herself identifying with Republicans? Politics is a dirty game and Black America has always come out as losers but even more so when the government is being run by Republicans. So how does one become a Black Republican? Are you filthy rich and reap benefits from the tax breaks the wealthy receive from Republicans or are you a Republican because you identify with the religious and "moral" belief's that Republicans preach about constantly? Perhaps a Democrat wronged you personally in some way and it's revenge, I don't really know. I tend to not discuss politics with people because it is a very dangerous subject and one never knows how the guy sitting next to you may feel. I don't take issues with anyone's political views as long as they can justify why they believe what it is that they believe in, only when one's reasoning is completely asinine do I take issue. I don't care if you are a member of the Democratic Party, Republican Party, Independents, Socialists, or the Green Party, if you aren't a true believer in what that party stands for then don't talk politics with me. Being black in a country run by the opposing race has lead us to identify with the lesser of the two evils, the Democrats. Liberals have done far more than Republicans have for blacks and that's not saying much. To me being a Black Republican is kind of like a slap in the face to our ancestors. Republican governments never lifted a finger to assist in helping blacks get past de facto and de jure segregation. So why should they get our vote to continue to disenfranchise black Americans. I'm not telling anyone what political party to identify with but if you are a Black Republican I see no need to announce it to the world because at the end of the day they don't really want you anyway and you will never be a part of the good ole boys club.

Once A Cheater Always A Cheater?

I'm not sure of the answer. Is it possible to really reform and refrain from cheating? Are men more prone to cheating than women? A lot of women believe that all men cheat. I don't believe that. I refuse to believe that cheating is ingrained in men, like its part of their DNA. Cheating is a conscious choice that a person makes. It has more to do with how much you value and respect the person you are with than hormones. It is natural to be attracted to other people even if you are in a relationship, but just because you find someone attractive doesn't mean you have to go out and pursue that person.

I believe its a matter of why someone cheats and the level of cheating. Some people cheat just because they can while others feel neglected or unwanted. The reason why a person cheats is a key factor into whether he/she will do it again, at least in my opinion.

Bleaching for Beauty

Okay so I just saw a clip on MSNBC where the hostess is interviewing Tyra Banks about the new season of her show and a topic covered is skin bleaching. On the show Tyra has a young mother who puts bleach on her kids faces everyday!!!! WTF! Yes I have heard of people bleaching their skin to look lighter but seriously, how warped do you have to be? How can you hate your skin color so much that you would subject your children to a dangerous process that could have them ending up resembling Michael Jackson? No matter how much you bleach your skin you will never be white, so why do it? This woman is teaching her children to hate themselves and hate their culture and that breaks my heart. It's sad to see people still falling for the misconception that lighter is better. If God wanted you to be white he would have made it happen.

Bleaching your skin will return the same results as becoming anorexic. You will look horrible. To have such a distorted image of yourself is something only therapy can help with. I wonder what happened to theses people to make them resort to skin bleaching. It's ironic how white people go to the tanning salon to get darker skin and here we are trying to lighten our skin. When will people learn to love themselves for who they are and not what they think society approves of? There will always be people who will dislike you for some reason albeit it be your skin color or your IQ, either way you should never let someone else's ideals dictate who you are. We are all beautiful in some way, I believe Black is beautiful and no one can tell me anything different. If I were white or Hispanic I would feel the same way. You should embrace your culture, not run from it. Yes we've been mistreated in this world, but bleaching your skin will not ease the burden that black people carry.

Dating No-Nos

There is a lot of dating advice being given everyday, so I thought I would add my two cents and hopefully help some unfortunate girl out. Enjoy and if you have more items to add, please comment.

1. If a man doesn't have time for you, he's most likely seeing someone else.
2. Don't give your number to the guy in the club. He's most likely drunk and will probably not call you and if he does it's not because he wants to date you.
3. Men are never truly single. (thanx B.)
4. Looks do matter, but sometimes the geek is better than the stud. He'll most likely end up rich.
5. A**holes come in every size, color and income level.
6. If he has a lot of girl "friends" at least one of them is in to him or he's slept with at least one.
7. Men are not that smart, tell them what you want.
8. There is no such thing as Mr. Right, there can be a Mr. Pretty Damn Close to Perfect but everyone has character flaws.
9. As they say "you can't turn a ho into a housewife", and you damn sure can't turn a player into a husband.
10. Don't knowingly date someone else's man, I gaurantee it will lead to trouble.
11. Sometimes a background check is necessary.
12. If you have to call a man twenty times and still no answer, he's probably out with another chick.
13. Not every man wants an anorexic skeleton, workout because you want to be healthy not to impress a man.
14. Don't play games, they always backfire and you are the loser.
15. DONT DATE A MARRIED MAN!!!
16. Don't stay with a cheater. They don't change and once the trust is broken it's pretty much impossible to get it back.
17. Don't have casual sex with a guy and then wonder why he doesn't want to be your boyfriend.
18. A guy who only says he loves you when he wants sex doesn't love you.
19. Just because he takes you out once doesn't make him your boyfriend.
20. If your gay friends thinks your man is gay, he probably is.

Abortion

With the presidential election right around the corner, this constant hot button issue has begun to rear its ugly head. Abortion has been a contentious issue between liberals and conservatives for decades, yet I don't believe anyone really has any idea what it means to abort or consider aborting a child. Abortion is something that only those who have been faced with the dilemma could possibly understand. I don't believe most women who decide to abort a fetus comes to the decision easily nor does if have anything to do with vanity. Yes there are those who advocate adoption as a viable alternative but what about the millions of children who are currently in the system who were never adopted and who have been subjected to unimaginable abuse? Abortion is not a simple solution nor is adoption or raising the child, there are so many factors involved in the decision process for a woman and I don't believe anyone should be chastised for the decision she makes.

I mean we have women microwaving their babies, were those babies better off being born or should they have been aborted and saved the suffering? Not every woman makes a good mother. I don't think it's fair to women for others who don't know her situation to judge her, I thought only God held that power. Why do we think we have a right to push our beliefs on the rest of the world, just because we believe it doesn't make it right. No matter what your position on abortion, at the end of the day it's not your right to judge a woman who has been faced with that decision especially when you don't know her circumstances.

When Arguments Go Too Far

Yesterday I had a huge argument with my boyfriend that resulted in me telling him I wanted to break up. It all started over a candy wrapper and littering, it may be the dumbest and third most volatile argument I have ever participated in. Looking back on our behavior I realize that we both overreacted to a minor situation and it caused havoc within our relationship. So when has an argument gone too far? Is it only when it comes to fist-a-cuffs or is when you say something you regret as soon as it comes out of your mouth? Arguments are bound to happen in any relationship so why do we allow them to escalate out of control especially when you know you still want to be with the person? Why do we allow our anger to get the best of our reasoning and maturity? Why must we be right even when we know we are wrong? Human nature dictates that we win at what we do even if its arguing. We all want to come out on top even when it hurts those closes to us.

Sometimes our anger gets the best of us and it costs us that which we care most about. I for one need to learn how to to better communicate my feelings to others without resorting to profanity and namecalling; it's learned behavior that I really need to unlearn. Our environments growing up play a huge part in dictating our own behavior, we often do what we are shown growing up. I know I grew up in a volatile household where profanity and name calling were prevalent which is why I display the same behavior myself. I'm not making excuses, I know my behavior is wrong and I would like to change it, but I know it will take patience and a lot of time.

Why Do Smart People Do Dumb Things?

It is usually believed that people who have attained a certain stature in life or either really lucky or fairly intelligent excluding George W., of course. So why do these people do such dumb things. John Edwards and his affair and love child, Detroit mayor Kwame Kilpatrick recently convicted of perjury and obstruction of justice, Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich being named as part of a fraud and kickback scandal, former New York Gov. Spitzer and his need for prostitutes. All of these men are intelligent people who one would believe would know the consequences of doing something so stupid as the acts that committed, especially since they are all attorneys and should know the legal ramifications of their actions. So why do they do it? Is it because they believe they are invincible or above the law? Just because you are in a powerful position doesn't mean you can do whatever the hell you want without any consequences for your actions. As a matter of fact you are in the worse position because every minute of your life is being scrutinized at all times, there is always someone watching you.

These intelligent powerful people who commit stupid acts deserve to be punished. Like someone I know said, they should get jail time just for being so stupid. They don't deserve any sympathy from us because they had it all and threw it away when we are struggling just to get by and make something of ourselves. These people deserve our ire and annoyance with them. Why should they break the law and get away with it when we know people are jailed everyday? Maybe if state and federal governments spend more time cracking down on corruption, fraud, kickbacks, and such we wouldn't be in a recession right now. It's time the government handle its business with its own kind.

Having Your Cake And Eating It Too

Recently a friend sent me a link to a story involving a woman, her husband, and her live-in boyfriend. Say what??? This lady was having her cake and eating it too as the saying goes. She had a husband and a boyfriend who were willing to share her. How often does that happen? I've only seen it in movies. Of course this too good to be true story ended badly; at least for the men. Apparently one day the lady and the boyfriend were having sexual intercourse and the husband got mad and demanded they stop. I guess he finally came to his senses that sharing your wife is not a good idea or perhaps it was merely his turn and the boyfriend wasn't playing fair. Whatever the reason for the husband's change of heart, it led to a physical altercation where both men were injured and subsequently arrested. Then to top it all off, the lady put them both out. I guess she no longer wanted the baggage of dealing with two men. I mean seriously, it's hard enough to deal with one. This story goes to show that sometime fantasies should stay fantasies because in reality things never work out the way one expects.

Can Separate Ever Be Equal?

Back in the 60's the Supreme Court decided that separate could not be equal when it came to education. This was partly due to the fact that the differences in resources for blacks and whites were unequal. Would the court have ruled the same way if the circumstances had been different? What if the schools had been equal in quality and the teachers on the same level and if both races had the same books, then would separate be equal? Are is separation truly inherently unequal? Or is it just that some people still refuse to admit that all races are capable of intelligent thought and no one race is superior? If we were given the same opportunities to learn at the same level would it be possible to separate? I don't advocate races keeping separate because personally I think people need to get over the whole race thing since none of us are going anywhere and we are all stuck here together. I just wonder if separate can ever be equal?

Death

With the recent death of Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes within a day of each other, I begin to think about how short life really is. A couple of months ago a friend of mine had his younger brother die unexpectedly. He was only 21 years old, just went to sleep and didn't wake up again. I have come to realize that sometimes there is no tomorrow. The saying "why put off 'til tomorrow what you can do today" is really resonating with me now. It's time to go for what you want, to grab the bull by the bull by the horns as they say. We all hope to live to be 100, but it just might not happen; so make the most of the time you do have. Death is a scary thing and I don't look forward to it but I also know that I can't prevent it. This moment is the only one that I'm guaranteed. We so often put off things out of fear or pure laziness, but the next time you think about doing that think about how short life is and just do it. I cherish ever moment I have. The idea of dying puts life in perspective. It allows you to move past that fight you had with your significant other, to take a chance, mend broken relationships, enjoy each moment. It's a liberating idea no matter how scary. We've all seen the movies or t.v. shows where someone is told he/she has 6 months to live or some other number of months and they go out and live their lives to the fullest. The notion that they were dying allowed them to become free from the constraints that we often place on ourselves; even if at the end the diagnosis was usually wrong. You don't have to think you are dying in order to truly enjoy our life, you just need to let go of the fear and remember that tomorrow is not promised to anyone so seize today. Carpe Diem!!!!!!!!!!!

Brown in America

So I just read a post on CNN from Lynn Whitfield's daughter regarding CNN's recent discussions on being Black in America. Mrs. Whitfield's daughter is bi-racial and posed the issue of why bi-racial children should have to pick a side on the race spectrum. Why should bi/multi-racial children have to define themselves as being one race when they are not? Interracial dating is prevalent in today's society and so more and more children are being born bi-racial. With the presidential candidacy of Barack Obama, who is bi-racial, race and it's place in society has become a burning issue once again. Would Black America have embraced Barack if he didn't have a black wife or didn't identify himself as being black? Would we except him a mixed race individual who is both black and white?

Why won't society let race go? Why must children who belong to multiple racial groups choose just one. It's idiotic. Who are we to tell someone who he or she is? Bi-racial children have enough to deal with trying to fit in without society putting more pressure on them. Why must one be black or white, why can't they just be brown?

I know its not that simple because people will never let it be that simple, but I can hope can't I?

Always the Groomsman, Never the Groom

Does anyone out there have a man whom she has been with for some time and yet he runs scared whenever you mention marriage or weddings? I attended a wedding yesterday where the best man joked about how he was the last man standing. The only one of his friends not married. Is this still a badge of honor once you are over 30? Doesn't it complicate your life when all of your friends are married and you are the only single guy hanging around and your friends can't hang with you like they used to so now you're stuck trying to meet new people or sitting in a bar alone trying to hit on girls.

Marriage is not a curse. It can be a wonderful thing when the two people are truly committed and right for each other. Not every marriage ends in divorce or is unhappy, there are couples who actually still Ike each other ten years after getting married. The point is don't sit in a relationship for 5 years and still not want to marry the girl. If you've been with her that long and still like her, marry her. No woman who wants to get married enjoys being your girlfriend for five years, it's not cute and is slightly embarrassing. So do her and yourself a favor and finally become the groom and not the groomsman.

Unconditional Love????

Is there truly such a thing as unconditional love? Can a person truly accept someone else despite any flaws that person may have or may gain at some point in the relationship. When I speak about unconditional love, I'm not talking about the love of a parent but romantic love. Can it be unconditional? If I was a size 6 when you met me, will you still love me if I become a size 16?We all have character flaws and most people have body image issues. We all want that perfect man/woman, but what if you like someone who isn't picture perfect who doesn't fall in to your usual type? You feel like this person is made for you, except she isn't the perfect size or she isn't the prettiest girl, can you still love her? Will you be embarrassed to bring her around your friends or family because she doesn't meet that cookie cutter mold that they would necessarily expect from you?

I know I have met guys who I thought were great but I never gave them a chance because they weren't physically what I was looking for and I am sure I may have missed out on a great guy. I'm not sure if I could really ever be with someone I wasn't physically attracted to, I would like to believe that I am a better person than that, but I can't really say I am. I recently found out it hurts to be on the other side of that criticism. Someone telling you you aren't quite perfect and that he has issues with the way you look. It hurts a lot and it is a big wake up call. I became very upset but then I realized that I have done the same thing in the past to others and now it's just my turn to get my comeuppance. So I'm left wondering if there is anyone out there who can really truly love someone unconditionally?

What's Wrong With Me?

That questions has crossed the minds of millions of young people over the years who question why a parent or both parents didn't love them enough to care for them or even be present. It's a question I used to ask myself whenever I would wonder why my father wasn't part of my life. What was so wrong with me that he couldn't stand to be a part of my life? That he didn't want to acknowledge my existence? There's only one right answer to the question and that is nothing. There is absolutely nothing wrong with me or any other child who has an absentee parent(s) from his/her life. We are not the bad guys. We did not ask to be born. We don't deserve to be treated any less than anyone else.

The problem does not lie with us but rather with the absentee parent. He or she wasn't man/woman enough to take responsibility for what he/she created. This person is selfish and not worthy to be a parent. I look back on my life and think of all the times I wanted my father to be a part of my life and realize that it was his lost. He missed the opportunity to see me excel in school, graduate with honors, complete law school and pass the bar. He missed the most important part of my life--the birth of my children and now he is missing watching two beautiful kids grow up. He has lost his opportunity to be my father.

If he came to me today, I don't really know what I would do. I no longer really feel like I need him in my life but would I deny him an opportunity to redeem himself by being a part of my children's lives? I don't know. As of now I don't have to worry about it, but I'm sure there re those of you out there who do have a similar situation occurring. Is it selfish to want to treat him/her the way he/she treated you? Or should you forgive him and do it for your children so they can know their grandparent? It's a hard situation.

The only truth I know is that there is nothing wrong with me and that I did nothing to deserve to be deserted by my father. I am a wonderful woman who recognizes her self-worth and am happy with who I am. Any one who would choose to miss out on that isn't worthy to be a part of it anyway.

Just When I Thought The World Couldn't Get Any Worse....

I read two of the most horrific child abuse stories within one week of each other. The abuse inflicted on these children went beyond anything I could even imagine and by the parents no less. Stories like these reaffirm my believe that certain people should not be allowed to have children. In one instance, the parents tied their child to a tree overnight and he died. Then the mother, her girlfriend, and the babysitter of a five year old tortured her child relentlessly. They made him sit in his own urine and feces, they broke his teeth, burned his hand on the stove, and he was malnutritioned. Who are these people and why were the parents ever blessed with children? No child deserves such a miserable existence. I will never understand why children are born into such horrible situations. What's the purpose?

The people in the world seem to be more depraved than ever. More and more people are engaging in sadistic behavior. Is this the fault of the parents, the environment, or are these just inherently evil people? The world has become such a dangerous place that ordinary killings and robberies have become commonplace. People aren't even shocked anymore. Will this trend ever reverse or will things become so bad that people won't even blink at the news of child torture?

Is The Internet Making People Dumber

Recently I read an article about a study published by a professor who claims that the Internet has made people dumber--- the use of instant/text message slang, the decline of newspaper readership, and just outright less use of the brain. The Internet was designed to revolutionize the way people access information making them more efficient and knowledgeable, yet this professor claims it has had the opposite effect, especially on kids. Of course one could argue that the Internet has made information more readily available and accessible, information that people would never have gotten otherwise. This includes the news from around the world, learning of other cultures from friends made via Internet half a world away. The Internet has also made it harder for people to commit wrongdoing and get away with it. It's true less people read the newspaper, but sites like CNN has a very high traffic volume. We could blame the decline of book reading amongst children and teens on the Internet, but to be honest, children weren't reading much anyway since the immense popularity of video games. The Internet actually provides a way for those same kids to gather information they otherwise would not have sought out because it would have meant reading a book. We as a society can't blame the Internet for making people dumber, if people are getting dumber there are a host of factors to consider, including video game play, parent's not concerned about their children's education, school's focus on testing and not necessarily learning, television, ...etc. There are so many factors that may contribute to our kids being viewed as dumber. I don't believe out children are getting dumber, I believe that just don't know the things we were taught in school. They have no real use for them. Sure a child may not know Shakespeare, but if he can program a computer game, he's a technical genius. People aren't necessarily getting dumber, but rather focusing on areas that actually interest them and pertain to our new technology driven world. Besides not being book smart doesn't necessarily lead to the label of dumb. Dumb is a word overused by people who are book smart and who are extremely single minded. Sure there are dumb people out their and usually they are the ones with the education and no common sense.

OWN IT!!!!!

I was once told that my successes are my successes and my failures are my failures and no matter what I had to own them both. People are quick to own their successes and often time even the success of others, but when it comes to their failures, they prefer to point the finger at everyone and everything else besides themselves. It's time we owned our failures just as much as we own our successes. Most people feel as if failure is a sign of weakness and an inability to succeed, but we all fail at something at some point in our lives. No one is perfect. Failing is a part of life, no one can win all the time.

There are many times in my life that I have felt like a failure. When I graduated law school and was still jobless, I felt like a failure. When I found myself pregnant at 16 and then again at 21, I felt like a failure. Every time I get rejected for a job I feel like a failure, it's a natural feeling. There's nothing wrong with failing sometimes but the key to succeeding is to own your failings and use them to help you grow as a person and become a success. Taking responsibility is hard for some people, it makes them feel better to place the blame on others. That is not the way to succeed in life because at some point your actions will catch up with you and the result will be twice as bad as what it would have been if you would have just accepted the blame for your actions originally. We all make mistakes and bad judgment calls and we can all move pass whatever failure we have experienced. This I believe.

When I got pregnant while still in high school, I felt I had failed not only myself but everyone who was looking at me to make something of myself, there was no one else to blame for thepredicament I found myself in but me, so I owned up to my failure. But as my mother and grandmother reminded me, I wasn't a failure. They said we all make mistakes and we should learn from them, they babysat while I went to school, they didn't see me as a failure and that meant so much to me. Without them, who knows where I would be right now. By owning up to what I felt was a failure, I was able to get the support of my family to help me achieve my goals. When you own up to your failures and accept them as yours, people will respect you more and be more willing to help. So the next time you make a bad decision or a wrong turn in life, own it and it will only help you in life.

Pride

As a whole, black people have always been prideful people; never wanting to ask for help or wanting to burden anyone with their problems. There are many of us nowadays who are more than willing to accept a handout, hell we get mad if we don't get it. What happened? Personally, I have more pride than I probably should have. I hate asking anyone for anything and that goes for family too; I always think I can figure it all out on my own. This can be a great attribute, but it is also often a hindrance. Pride can interfere with relationships and friendships because sometimes we all need somebody even when we don't want to admit it and that can drive away the very people we care about.

Pride can be a wonderful thing. Black people used to take pride in the fact that they could always make a way even in the face of adversity without having to go and beg the "man" for anything. We were a stubborn, classy, prideful people. This form of pride seems to have gone by the way side and replaced with people who enjoy being on welfare and not taking care of their own children.

Pride can also destroy a person, it truly does pay to be humble sometimes. Yes one should take a certain amount of pride in his/her success but one should also realize that he/she didn't do it alone and should be thankful and grateful to others for helping them along the way, whether those helping were here physically or spiritually. I know that I would not have made it as far as I have in life without the help of others and although I am proud of how far I've come, I still recognize and appreciate all the sacrifices others made to help me get to where I am. Also, knowing where I come from and where I can always return keeps me humble and grateful for the blessings I have received.

Pride has prohibited many people from getting the help they need, but it also has lead to others receiving the respect they deserve. Pride encompasses the good and the bad, just never let it control you and get in the way of your life.

Time

I recently found out a friend's younger brother died suddenly with no explanation. He was 20. This took me by major shock. His death got me to thinking about how much we take for granted the people in our lives; always expecting there to be a tomorrow. Sometimes tomorrow never comes. Christmas before last my ex-boyfriend's father committed suicide with no note, leaving his family with no explanation. We always take for granted the time we have here on Earth to spend with those we care about, when we don't really know when that time will come to a crashing halt. It's time we begin to cherish the time we have here and make the most of the time we have with those we care about.

Tomorrow is not promised to any of us, and we should live our lives with that thought in mind. So don't go to bed mad at your significant other, tell your kids you love them, tell your parents how much you appreciate the sacrifices they made for you and how much you love them, and most of all enjoy the time you have here. We spend so much time worrying about tomorrow that we forget to live for today. Time is not on our side. We have to live each day like it's our last, because it just might be. I am not trying to be morbid or somber, I just want everyone to take a look at his/her lives and assess the quality of their relationships with others and with one's self. If you aren't happy with the assessment, make a change now; because you may not be able to do so tomorrow. Don't allow sorrow, fear, unhappiness bog your life down, instead find the source of these feelings and do what it takes to cut them out of your life. My life is far from perfect and where I want it, but I now realize how blessed I am to have a man who loves me for me, two beautiful healthy children and a family that cares about me and has my back even if we don't always get along.

Others can stop you temporarily, but only you can do it permanently"

That is one of my favorite quotes. I love the message it sends. It often reminds me of the gospel song "We Fall Down". "We fall down, but we get up"; those words mean so much to me. Because the only person who can stop you is you. Sure other people will place obstacles in your way, but it is up to you to get over, under, or around those obstacles. If you truly want something, you won't let anyone stop you from getting it, whether it's true love, a job you love, or providing for your family. If you believe in God and put your faith first and trust in your self, you will overcome any obstacle. It may not be today or tomorrow or even next week, but you will eventually overcome the obstacle. We often want to give up when things get hard. I know I feel like it at times, but then I have to ask myself if I am really willing to allow someone else to control me, prevent men from getting what I deserve. Many people can't handle rejection or criticism, I used to be like that mainly because I never experienced real rejection until a couple of years back and I didn't know how to handle it. I often times would find my self crying and asking God why he was allowing these things to happen to me. I viewed myself as a good person and couldn't understand why I had to go through so much pain; but you can't have happiness without some pain. I still don't like being rejected but I know my capabilities and I know that the person who rejected me just missed out on something great. Why should I beat myself up and hate myself and the world just because some people don't necessarily believe in me. As long as I believe in me and in God, I know I'll be alright.

I'm not trying to be preachy, but it just seems as if we too often allow other people's opinions define who we are, when these people don't truly know us to begin with. Everyone struggles at some point in their lives, we all get down in the dumps and dislike the hand that was dealt us; but should we allow this to stop us from playing that bad hand to best of out ability and maybe bluffing our way into winning? Only we can stop ourselves permanently, only we have the power to convince ourselves that we are good enough or vice-versa. The more stock with put into the opinions of others, the less stock we put into out opinions of ourselves. Every parent owes it to his/her child to show them that they can overcome obstacles and can make it. Sure you may not get everything you want, most people don't; but you can achieve real happiness if you allow yourself to love yourself enough to never give up and to stand up for what you believe. And remember everything looks better when you are on the outside looking in. Don't allow yourself or your children to lose faith, it is the cornerstone to getting back up when you've been knocked down. Only you know how good or bad you really are, so don't allow anyone else to define you. Because "others can stop you temporarily, but only you can do it permanently," always remember that!!!!!!!!

New Beginnings

As I await patiently to find out whether or not I will be relocating to Chicago, I am beginning to see my potential relocation as a new beginning. Lately I have felt bogged down by my life in the district and I believe a new state, new city, new surroundings will benefit my psyche. Sometimes it is imperative to start over; otherwise you can become so consumed by all the different things going on in your life that you lose perspective on what's really important. A new beginning is a way to start fresh, to leave the past in the past, to leave all the worries and discouraging things behind.

Since graduating from law school, I haven't had the best of luck and I am hoping a new place will bring new blessings and happiness. Of course, this will still require some effort and patience on my part, but I am looking forward to starting my new life. My new beginning isn't just a new place to live but it involves a new life. A life as a family, instead of just a single mother with a boyfriend. A life with the man I love and my beautiful children. These are the things that make a house a home and that will bring me the most joy in my new life.

A new beginning can start at anytime, one just has to have the will and patience to start over. If your old life isn't working and you aren't happy, it's time to start over. Put the fear aside and do something to make you happy. A new beginning doesn't necessarily have to be a physical thing, it can be completely mental. A new way of viewing the world, a new outlook on life; these are ways to have a new beginning. Most people want to start over or fresh in their lives at some point, and they should. This is the only life we have, so live it to the fullest. Don't let fear stop you. I am ready to embrace my new life and hopefully something wonderful will come from it. Being positive goes a long way. It is the first step in making a change. Go ahead, try it, and I guarantee you wont regret it. Until next time.....peace!!!!!

There's A Thin Line...

Is it possible to hate someone and love that person at the same time? There is a thin line between love and hate. When I was with my ex-boyfriend there were times when I felt like I truly hated him but I also still loved him. I mean I honestly felt hatred for him for the way that he treated me at times, yet I couldn't seem to stop loving him. Eventually he pushed me to my breaking point and I had to get him out fo my life. How is it that I managed to feel the two most extreme emotions from opposite ends of the spectrum for the same person. The heart is a strange thing. One would thing it would be impossible to feel hatred/love for a person. It seems improbable yet I'm sure I'm not the only person to ever feel that way about someone. Perhaps it has something to do with how much control/power a person has over you. I'm not really sure, but I would love to find out. I hope to never feel that way about another person again. I prefer to keep those two emotions separate.

Proper English

Anyone who grew up in the hood knows about being referred to as a white boy/girl simply because he/she speaks proper English and studies. Why is it such a horrible thing to want an education and want to leave the hood. Why are boys and girls who try to better themselves ridiculed for actually being smart? I have never understood this behavior and the sad part is that it doesn't necessarily come from children. There are adults who begrudge a child for speaking properly. Perhaps it is because of their own shortcomings and maybe a little jealousy that people feel the need to hate on those trying to better themselves. Since childhood I have always loved to read and I have always valued learning and wanting something more from life, most people would perceive these as great qualities; yet i was always made fun of in my "hood" because of these qualities. I still get the white girl comment whenever I go home. Of course, this is from a group of people who have failed to do anything with their lives and who are stuck in the same situation they were born into.

When are mothers in the ghettos across America going to finally encourage their children to study and try to move up in the world, instead of calling them stupid and discouraging them from ever trying to be something more. Sure there have always been a few mothers who have done this, but with the growth of teenage mothers who prefer to club than to help their children with homework, if they can, the future for ghetto youth seems disappointing. So many intelligent boys and girls are discouraged from doing well because they are scared of the teasing or worse yet they suffer the fate of having a child while a teenage and not having anyone around to let them know that that is not the end of the world. That you can still succeed. We need to get it together and be proud of those kids who aren't satisfied with a welfare check and slangin' dope and the inevitable choice between jail or hell.

It Ain't Hatin If You Tellin' The Truth

People take the term "hater" to extremes. You can't say anything to a person that he or she doesn't want to hear or disagrees with without the person accusing you of being a hater. Why is this? When did telling teh truth become "hatin"? I believe in being honest with people, for the most part. sometimes he truth isn't what you want to here and it can hurt, but it's not hatin'. Hatin' is when someone is jealous or envious of a person and therefore attempts to bring that person down and make him/herself feel better about his/her station in life. If someone makes a true statement about you and it's without malice, it's not hatin. The truth is the truth. I don't really envy anyone because no one's life is perfect. If I, being an intelligent black woman, tell you something; it's not to hurt you. I want to help you see the light. I have tact and I am not a spiteful person, so please believe me when I say that everyone who tells you something you may not like isn't hatin' on you. Yes the world is full of haters, but not everyone who isn't your biggest fan and kiss our butt is a hater. You know and I know it. So get over it. If you real, you can spot a hater from a mile away. Real recognizes real.

Getting In Touch With Your Star Player

Your star player: that's you. At the Katt Williams show last Friday, which was hilarious, part of his routine centered around getting in touch with your star player. That made me realize that I haven't been in touch with my star player. I've been spending too much time worrying about other people and their issues and trying to make them happy. It's time I get in touch with my star player--myself. I have been feeling really lost recently. Not enjoying life, not being happy, not getting my seven chuckles in whenever I can. I have lost touch with who I am and what I want, as a matter fo fact, I no longer know what I want. I'm in a slump. I have lost my way. I am like a sheep without a shepherd. What's a girl to do? Get in touch with her star player, that's what. It's time to focus on me, to focus n what I want, on what makes me happy, on getting my seven chuckles.

I know life is about sacrifice, but one should never have to sacrifice self in order to help or appease others. It's time people realized that life really is short and that it is time to enjoy oneself. One day you're here and the next you're gone. With the state of the economy and the worries over food and gas prices and the housing slump, people are becoming more stressed out as each day passes. We are forgetting about enjoying the life we have given to us and instead worrying about everything and trying to cut back cost. All I ask is that we all make some time for ourselves. Find something you truly enjoy and take advantage of your ability to do it. I for one am super excited about skydiving and plan on doing it at some point this summer. I am determined to get in touch with my star player, I hope you do the same.

Strange But True

I'm sure everyone has heard of the man who is actually a woman and has become artificially inseminated? Weird huh? This may be one of the strangest stories I've ever heard. I have no issues with being transgendered. It's okay if you feel like you are trapped in the wrong body, but if you really believe you should have been born a man, why not complete the process and fully become a man anatomically. If you believe you are a man, why do you want to have a baby? That's the role of a female. This story just boggles me. I can't seem to grasp the rationale behind the path this couple has taken. I understand the "real" female in the relationship couldn't get pregnant for some reason but why didn't they just adopt or use a surrogate? Does he/she plan on going back to being a "man" once the child is born and allowing the wife to play the mother role? I can just imagine the issues this child will face growing up and it's all because the parents had to sensationalize the experience. They could have went about this a little better for the sake of the child. All of this attention and publicity may not faze the couple, but are they thinking about the teasing this child will experience growing up once his peers find out his "mother" is actually his father. I hope they are ready to pay for some serious therapy.

This issue is so weird and bizarre that the media is eating it up, even Oprah is caught up in all the sensationalism. Why would this couple subject themselves to all this attention. Apparently they have a nice home and are business owners, so they live a decent life and aren't starving for money. Maybe they are attention whores, because that is the only reason I can see that would explain why they felt the need to may this public. They knew this was not a "normal" thing t do. Hell, their relationship isn't even viewed as normal to begin with and to go and add to it, you have to be looking for attention. It's not like they didn't know what would happen once this story got out. Why subject your family to all the ridicule and hateful comments. And why subject your child to it? The main goal of any parent is to protect and love your child. So why put a child in a position where he/she may be tormented based on your poor decision making? I feel bad for this child and hope that his/her parents live somewhere where people are accepting of this situation.

The scariest part of this to me is the possibility that the child may have health issues. I don't really know if taking hormones for years will have an affect on a fetus but I'm sure it has to be a possibility. This is the main reason I don't understand why this couple didn't use a surrogate? It would have been safer for the baby and without the ridicule. This story is just too strange for me.

Third Grade Criminal Masterminds

I'm sure everyone has heard the story of approximately nine Atlanta area third graders plotting to attack their teacher. It seems the teacher teaches children with "learning disabilities", which could mean a variety of things. My question is where did these children get this idea? I don't know of any third graders that would come up with a plan this elaborate on their own. These children even plotted on how to clean up the crime scene! WTF! Is it the influence of television that has brought this on? With the influx of crime related television shows it is definitely possible that these kids have seen the likes of CSI, Law & Order, Criminal Minds,...etc. Do these shows give rise to criminal behavior? I'm sure that question has been debated often, yet never truly answered. However, after this story broke I begin to question the true influence of the things we use for entertainment, i.e. television, movies, video games, music.

I don't believe these things have an immense affect on adults. I will never believe the theory some criminals or psychologist use to justify the behavior of adults; however I can see how young children can be influenced. Children often like to imitate the things they see or hear, which is why children do things like curse. they have no idea what the words they are saying mean, but they heard hem being used by someone else. Children are extremely susceptible. I'm not saying that is what happened in these case, but it does make the mind wonder if we should keep a closer watch on the things our children watch, see, and listen to. Third graders shouldn't know how to plot an attack. They shouldn't know that they need to clean up the crime scene. Third graders as criminal masterminds, just doesn't sit well with me. Somewhere, someone went wrong with these kids I don't know who to blame, but the finger has to be pointed at someone.

The downfall of successful black men is running rampant these days, I guess they thought they could play the same games their white counterparts play and still come out on top. Most recently Alphonso Jackson, Secretary of HUD, resigned from his post amid scandal over his alleged illegal conduct involving tilting HUD towards Republican contractors and cronies. His first mistake was becoming a Republican, but that's neither here nor there. Also in the news for the last year or so is one of my home state's Congressman William Jefferson. And we can't forget Kwame Kilpatrick who is accused of perjury for lying about his alleged illicit affair with his chief of staff. He has been accused of soliciting bribes to broker business deals in Africa. Cronyism and bribery are typical in politics, but mots often it involves white politicians, not African Americans. For some reason these men apparently believe they can survive such scandal and still have a career after this. Unfortunately, I find this doubtful, the white public is much less forgiving of non-white politicians and superstars than they are of their own kind. They will want to crucify these men and their political careers will be basically over. Only white politicians can lie, cheat, and steal; get caught; and steal retain their place in the political arena.

As black politicians, whether Republican or Democrat, these men should have known better than to attempt to play the same roles that many of their white counterparts do so well. As much as we want to believe in equality, in some areas, equality is definitely still just a myth. Politics is a ruthless game and it's dominated by white Americans. They know all the unwritten rules and they protect each other. As much as Alphonso Jackson wanted to be one of the "good ole boys," he could never truly be a part of the inner circle. His playing party favoritism was his way of trying to be on the inside looking out instead of vice versa. Sure his so called friends would go along with it, they would make millions and his Jackson's neck would be on chopping block when it caught up with the. It doesn't get any better than that. I wonder now how many of his cronies are standing by him and crying his innocence?

Black politicians on a large scale are hardly elected to major offices and so when we do get an opportunity to be in a position of power we should understand that we have to be twice as good and twice as smart as the next guy in the room. We can't afford to make stupid mistakes, no one will forgive us and it taints our entire population. Because with us, if one does something wrong well than that means every black person is just as guilty or capable of committing the same act. We are judged as a group, regardless of social standing, political affiliation, or religion. Once one black person makes a bad choice we all become guilty of the same behavior; guilt by race. On the other hand, whites are never lumped together, they are judged individually. No one accuses very white man of being a serial killer just because Ted Bundy, Charles Manson, and Jeffrey Dahmer were. Yet every black person is judged based on the actions of a few.

So no matter how much you believe you are equal to your white counterpart, society has yet to accept that belief. We just can't make the same mistakes whites make, because the punishment will be much more severe and once we fall from grace, we can't get up again. In a perfect world we would all be judged by the same standards, but as we all know, this world is far from perfect.

Single Mothers

Being a single mother has to be the hardest job in the world. It takes more endurance and perseverance than one can imagine. Being a single mother is a bond that many women share, particularly black women. Raising children in a two parent household can be trying at times but attempting to do so alone is even more of a challenge and if you don't have money than it at time seems like an impossible task. Being a single parent and coming from a single parent household I know the trials and tribulations that women go through trying to raise children on their own. This task is especially taxing for a single mother of a boy or boys. All young boys need a father figure. A mother can only do so much to keep a young man on the straight and narrow. A male child needs a man to show him what it means to be a real man, to show him how a real man acts and treats women. Instead we have so many young boys growing up with the only male figures they see are those standing on the street corners selling drugs and driving expensive cars and wearing expensive clothing, disrespecting women and behaving as if the life they live is the best way to live. The young boys growing up in this environment without a father around to instill in them the values they need to see that this is the wrong path to take soon become one of the local drug dealers hanging on the corner and treating women like they are just another bitch or ho. Many single mothers try to keep their children away from this environment but the fast life draws them in like a fly to a spider's web. The lure of fast money is great when you sit and watch your mother struggling just to make ends meet. A young man may have the best intentions in the world, but once he gets caught up in the game, there's usually only two ways out: prison or the grave.

There are many males that are products of single family home and they grow up to be decent young men. In my experience, these young men either had a mother who was tough as nails and/or had some type of positive male influence around to help mold them into righteous individuals. Of course it's becoming harder and harder to find men, who aren't the fathers, who are willing to play these roles. Young men are more disrespectful now then they have ever been. Whether this is a result of their environments and influences or bad parenting or maybe the child is just a bad seed, I don't know. As a mother of a young male, I try my hardest to instill good values in my son and encourage him to seek positive goals and influences. I want him to know that the world is full of opportunities and that he can do whatever he wants, regardless of racism and prejudice. It's often been said that others can stop you temporarily, but only you can stop you permanently. I've hit enough roadblocks to know that saying is true. It takes a lot of will and determination to make it as a single parent, especially when you are a minority. I would never let the fact that I have children stop me from accomplishing my goals and providing a better life for my children and that is what I want my children to know. Nothing is too great to overcome, even when it seems like there is no way out, God will make a way. That believe is what has kept many single mothers going and striving to make it. So for all of ya'll out there trying to raise kids on your own, in the infamous words of Tupac "keep your head up." Things will get brighter as long as you continue to persevere and put God first and don't let anyone tell you that you and your children aren't worthy of more.

Used and Abused

While watching Tyler Perry's new movie, "Meet the Brown's" something resonated with me. I begin to wonder how many women out there are too scared to open themselves up to a good man for fear of being used and abused again. So many sistas have been hurt in so many ways, that we no longer feel that we can trust a man to treat us right. And if one does come along who seems too good to be true, he usually is. So when the time comes and you do actually meet someone who is genuine and honest and caring, your creep antenna goes up and you search for any sign of him being a dog. You are basically waiting for something to go wrong because you aren't used to being treated with respect and like a lady and not just another piece of meat. Black women in particular have had a hard time when it comes to our men. We have faced so much abuse and humiliation that we come to expect it and don't know how to react to kindness. So many of us have lost all faith in men. You know the saying, "all men are dogs."

The fear that keeps us from trusting and believing cripples us emotionally. We've forgot how it feels to be loved and wanted. We forget how beautiful we are after being called ugly and/or fat or some other spiteful thing. We forget that we are queens and should be treated as such and that we are not bitches and hos. We forget how strong we are after being beat down so much. We lose sight of our goals, because we've been told we are worthless and won't amount to anything. We've become everything they said we already were because after being used and abused so much we begin to believe the things said about us. Men have always had the ability to torture women due to our emotional vulnerability. Me are our weakness and we give them too much power over us. It's time we reclaimed out throne and our power and treat ourselves the way queens should be treated. We deserve respect for being strong black women who persevere through trials and tribulations. We deserve respect for or battle scars. We've fought long and hard and now is our time to reap the reward for all the hell we've been put through. We also deserve love and happiness. We have to learn how to give love a chance and see that not every brotha is like the dog we've dated and been hurt by. There are still some good men out there and no they may not have a fancy car and fancy jewelry but they will have a big heart and treat you with respect and your children with respect if you have any. They will love you the way you deserve to be loved and that's worth more than jewelry and cars any day.

Racism's Still Alive, They Just Be Concealing It"

Wile reading yet another Clinton attack on Obama today, I scrolled down to the bottom of the page to check out some of the comments. There I was confronted with a comment basically stating that black people needed to stop betting on Obama, apparently thinking his election would finally allow us to get our "comeuppance." It's asinine statements like this that let me know just how much racism is still alive. The only difference between now and the past is that we as a people are less accepting of such behavior and racists have to hide behind their words. They can't blatantly say how they feel about minorities and get away with it. Also we as a people no longer fear intimidation and white people in general. Society as a whole is less accepting of racist ideas and so people have to hide their identities. The fact that a black man could possibly be president will only increase the anxiety and annoyance amongst racist and I fear what actions they will take if Obama actually wins the presidential election. Of course,I want him to win but I also know his winning will lead to violence.

We all know someone who is a closet bigot. Perhaps it's your boss or maybe it's a neighbor or a co-worker. You can often tell them just on how they interact with minorities. They may be polite but not friendly or perhaps they interact with minorities as little as possible. We never really thought racism was dead, but we are constantly ambushed and bombarded whenever we believe someone is a racist or has made a racist statement. We are often accused of "playing" the race card. As if our slot in this country has improved drastically since lynchings and slavery and we are trying to keep milking it for all it's worth. Black people are still treated as second class citizens. Affirmative action worked more for white women than black people, yet white people get all up in arms when they believe one of us has taken a job or a spot in a college from them. Who knew these things belonged to white people. They have this sense of entitlement that annoys the hell out of me. I'm so tired of constantly reading comments and papers where a white person talks about how one of them lost out to a black person because of affirmative action. Yes we know your kind would much rather hire you and most often do, but every once in a while it's impossible to deny that someone of another race is better qualified and will do a better job than any white applicant. Any company that's truly about succeeding will pick the better candidate based on his/her qualifications and skills, not skin color. It is really time for white people to get over their sense of entitlement and get over the fact that we are just as good as them or better and that we earn and deserve what we have, nothing has been given to us.

The Attack on Black T.V.

In case you haven't noticed, there are few quality positive black shows on television. there has never been a large amount of shows geared towards Black Americans and we tend to cherish the one that we had. The number of black show has dwindled drastically, being replaced with more corny sitcoms or dramas or reality shows with the same tired premise. I love to watch television, it's something that relaxes me and allows me to not focus on my own issues but just watch mindless dribble that doesn't require me to think. After a long day at work, using my brain more is not what I want to do...lol. With the onset of the writer's strike last November television executives too that opportunity to cancel Girlfriends. Now you don't have to be a fan of the show and I believe it wasn't as good without Toni, but at least it had strong black characters who were entertaining, although I could do without William. What upsets me is that the CW, the station that aired Girlfriends, back doored us and cancelled the show in the middle of the season with no conclusion to anything. No Joan finally getting hitched. Also there is talk that The Game may be canceled also. When there are on five quality non-offensive black shows on television, losing two of them matters a great deal. We as black people need to support shows that showcase us as smart, talented individuals instead of giving ratings to Flavor of Love and I love New York which only manages to but black women and men in an even worse light than we already were. I don't want to watch BET and Hell Date. i want to see something that at least has some redeeming quality. As long as we continue to watch white shows and not protest when they cancel the black sows we love, then white executives and produces will never allow us to have more than two shows on at a time. It's bad enough that they switch the time and day up on the shows that do still come on with no warning or place them on channels that you never even think to watch. They don't do that with white shows. We are at a great disadvantage in the television industry because not many Black Americans are directors and producers and definitely not writers, which makes it hard to create quality black shows. That's why I admire Tyler Perry for all hat he has accomplished on the bi g screen and on television without compromising his values and believes. He s a very talented man and deserves the Kudos that he receives. Hopefully he really is creating another sitcom, we need it. One of the man problems with creating black shows is that white people don't know how to write in a style that we enjoy, yet that would rather hire white writers to attempt to compose a script for a black show than hire a black person who actually understands the nuances of our culture. Then when the shows they have created fail, they an at least say well at least we tried. When they really didn't try to produce a successful show at all. As long as the airwaves are owned and operated by white America (thanks to the sellout Bob Johnson, even BET is owned by white people...ha), we won't ever have more than 5 black shows worth watching, if we have any at all.

Instant Gratification

Recently I had a conversation about certain character traits of different races. For example, how Asians and Hispanics are known for working together and living together in order to advance. They will pool their resources and work together in order to own and operate their own businesses. They trust each other enough to help each other out and believe in saving their money for the future. On the other hand, it seems black Americans are the complete opposite. We seem to live for today and want the most expensive thing we can afford or can get on credit. We'd rather have a nice car than a nice house. It seems this cultural trait of instant gratification even extends to Africans who still live in Africa. I watched a show on television that basically that Africans will take what little money they have in order to obtain certain luxury items, like televisions and radios and cellphones and such rather than save their money and try to create a brighter future for themselves or their children.

This makes me wonder why we are the way we are. I believe it partly stems from the fact that most blacks have never had anything and when we obtain the means to acquire better things we jump on it. We want to be like the majority of other races, we want to know how it feels to have something. I also believe it may be due to the fact that we as humans have the need to constantly try to impress other people. we want better shoe, clothes, and cars than our friends and neighbors although we all probably could use a better home. The other reason may be because a large majority of blacks have never been taught fiscal responsibility, we were never taught the value of saving for the future since our parents never had anything and had to live for each day. We carry on that same mentality.

Instant gratification can only bring short term happiness. Saving your money and investing in things that will mature with age is the best thing you can do for your family. I watch our young professional athletes and music artist and actors take the millions they make and waste it on cars and gaudy jewelry that no one will want in a few years. These things depreciate in value. Instead they should invest in stocks and bonds and in real property, businesses and art work, things that appreciate over time. Yet since most of them have never had anything, they indulge in the extravagance to try and make up for the things they lacked growing up. Other races love this, because it means we won't get ahead but instead spend our money on goods and products owned by them making them richer. Their are some celebrities that understand this and make wise financial decisions and I commend them, I only hate that they don't take the time to help those less fortunate than them. The best thing a person can do is let his/her money for him/her. That's how the rich get richer. So if you are reading this and happen to get a windfall some time in the near future, I hope you will invest wisely and make more money and help the black community in some way. I know I will.

Out of Control Teens

What do you do as a parent of an out of control teen? Recently my sister began displaying behavior that was completely unacceptable. She has been out of control and I don't know what to do about it. My mother has gotten older and can't really handle a teenager. She's had a rough life and having to be a single parent made it even worse. So for my youngest sister to be completely ungrateful for all that she has been given and the sacrifices my mother has had to make, pisses me off. I strongly dislike ungrateful kids, yet it seems that more and more of them are that way. Who do we blame for the way teenagers act these days? The parents? The environment? Friends? Rap Music? Who do we point the finger at for the way our children are turning out and what do we do to stop it?

This behavior isn't limited to poor kids or a single race, kids of all racial and social backgrounds are behaving worse and worse. Maybe it's the water...lol. Seriously this generation doesn't respect their parents, they don't respect authority, they don't respect anything. They are willing to die or kill with no thought to the value of life. They live their lives recklessly with complete disregard for any and everything that gets in the way of what they want. It scares me to know that or children don't value our lives or their own. How do you combat that? I have such a strong passion for children and wanting to help them, but how do help those who don't want help? My friend's mother tried therapy but that isn't working? Do we enroll them in a boot camp or military school or let them head off to prison or a juvenile detention center or worse the grave? i do believe that some parents could put more effort in raising their children and instilling good morals and values in them, but there are many parents who have tried their bast to raise good kids, but other influences won out. As a parent, it frightens me to think of how my children's generation will turn out. Perhaps we can find a way to combat the gang influence and the draw of fast money within the coming years and save our children.

Spiteful Parents

What type of person uses his/her child against the other parent? One that obviously doesn't care the emotional welfare of his/her child. I so often hear a custodial parent threatening the non-custodial parent to not let him/her see the child again because they are mad that he/she has someone new in his/her life, or maybe the non-custodial parent has asked for joint custody, or maybe the custodial parent just wants to use the child to bribe the other parent for money. Whatever the reason, it is a horrible thing to do to a child. It's hard enough on a child growing up in a single parent household without having to watch his parents argue and even worse not being able to see the other parent due to spite. As a product of a single family home, I've always wished for a father who cared enough about me to fight for me. Women who have children by men who actually want to see their children and participate in raising them , should be lucky. There are so many dead beat dads (and moms) out there. Children deserve to have both parents in their lives in order to become healthy productive adults.

Spite and vengeance are dangerous emotions. They lead people to make selfish decisions that hurt others. Many of us wish we had the foresight not to procreate with the mother/father of our child(ren). Hindsight is 20-20. If only we knew how evil, conniving, and selfish they were; of course, there are usually signs we just choose to ignore them. Our children look to us to see how members of the opposite should interact and if we act petty and selfish and vengeful, our children will grow up to think that this is how adult relationships work. Then when you're older and hopefully wiser, you'll wonder why your child turned out the way he/she did. It's time parents stop using their children as pawns. They deserve both parents, so get over your baby daddy leaving you for another woman or seeking joint custody. If he is a good father, acknowledge this fact and work with him to teach your child the values you want him to have throughout life. Stop being bitter and be the bigger person. Put your child first.

Breadwinner

Does it really matter who brings home the bacon? It seems that more and more women are becoming the breadwinners in there households. Some men can't handle it. Society has taught us that a man should take care of the woman, he should support her and she should take care of the home. Many men are insecure when it comes to dating women who makes more money than them. It's time to get over that insecurity. I see nothing wrong with a man making less money than a woman. It's time for men to see how it feels to have to do the laundry, cook dinner, take of the kids after school. They need that experience in order to truly appreciate the things that women do. If I end up making more money that my man, than so be it. Once you're married you become one. What's his becomes yours and what's yours becomes his. They is no me, it's all about we. Your are a family and it shouldn't matter who brings home more money as long as you love each other and are secure in your relationship. Women are not docile creatures and we aren't the property of men anymore. We are equal to men or better than them. We see the world from a different perspective and we understand the changing times. We push for change, yet some men can't seem to move pass the past. They can't accept that women are no longer relying on them for support, they don't know how to accept their new role. This causes a lot of potential relationships to end or never truly begin and destroys some marriages. It's time to get over it. Times have changed and the roles of men and women in society have changed for the better. Once men can accept this, more women may be willing to date guys who make less than them. A lot of women are tired of guys being turned off because they are professionals and make a nice income. it's not our fault if a lot of brothas don't have educations or don't have the drive to better themselves. We didn't do it. They did it to themselves. We grew up in the same environments as they did, yet we managed to make it. Don't blame us for your shortcomings. Don't feel inferior because you don't make a lot of money. They are alot of professional women who are more than willing to date a man who makes less money, they just want someone who will treat them right. That's more important than any amount of money.

Sex, Lies, and Videotape

Why haven't politician's learned their lessons yet? Why is it that they continue to get caught in compromising positions? These men are supposed to be our "leaders" yet they can't even get infidelity right. I don't expect them to be faithful, that would be asking too much. I just ask that if you cheat, learn how not to get caught. I'm sure all these men have friends who are notorious cheaters who have yet to get caught, ask for some pointers. I just don't get it, at least weigh the cost/benefit analysis. Is a piece of ass worth your career, Bill, Gov. Spitzer, Larry Craig? Men as a whole suck as cheating, they don't know how to cover their tracks, but there are some men who excel at it. To be the wife of any one who is constantly in the spotlight has to be difficult, you have to play your role as loving wife regardless of what's really going on in your personal life. Of course, some women know how to use their men's inability to keep his pants zipped to their advantage. I see nothing wrong with that, milk him for all he's worth. You deserve something out of the relationship.

Paying for a prostitute, hooker, call girl escort, whatever you want to call it, is just stupid when you are a high profile person. The odds of you getting found out is extremely high. Paying someone for sex is illegal, the person you pay will inevitably get caught. When that happens,, guess what, you get found out. Whether it's through an FBI wiretap, the call girl spilling her guts, or just some random person seeing you. You will get caught. You'd be better off sleeping with a colleagues wife, at least she'll have something to lose too.

Depression in the Black Community

While in Border's, I came across a book concerning the role depression has played in the lives of black America. I can't remember the name of the book at this exact moment but I will look for it the next time I'm in Border's. The book's jacket mentioned how depression has had a hand in the level of crime, violence, sex, and drugs that runs rampant in the black community. I began to ponder this idea a little more and came to conclude that they may be on to something. My boyfriend pointed out to me how in America, poor white Americans usually live in rural areas while poor black Americans normally live in urban environments surrounded by the wealth of white Americans. Blacks are subjected to the knowledge that they have nothing on a daily basis while poor whites are usually secluded from this daily reminder of their status in life. And on the hypocrisy and prejudice of Americans and one can see why blacks have a reason to be depressed.
Black people are notorious for shunning the idea of psychiatric help and instead relying on self- help or self-medication to deal with the problems in their lives. We drink and do drugs so we won't have to think about our problems. We don't want to face reality because reality sucks. Drugs and alcohol let's you forget about the pain. They are two of the most common outlets utilized in American culture regardless of race. We have sex because it makes us feel good temporarily, it makes us feel wanted and special. It allows you to put your problems at the hopelessness and that's all depression really is, a feeling of hopelessness. When you have nothing, you have nothing to lose. I don't advocate crime, but I can understand how circumstances can lead someone to commit certain crimes. Of course I have never understood why people rob people who don't have anything just like they don't.

Depression is not the reason for all the actions of black people, but it is definitely a contributing factor. Depression is not something to be taken lightly. It does actually require help. We all feel down at times, but being clinically depressed is a serious issue. Self-medicating doesn't help the situation, it only exacerbates it. There needs to be a way to reach people and offer help. We as a black community owe it to ourselves, our children, and our communities to help each other. Black America's station in society is reaching an all time low and it is up to us to help ourselves because no one else will. If we don't do anything to help each other, we can count on more depression which will lead to even more drugs use, alcohol abuse, unprotected sex, and crime. And none of us want that.

Cleanliness Is Next To Godliness

This past week at work, i managed to contract the stomach flu or rather gastroenteritis. For those of you who don't know what this is, let me enlighten you. This is an viral infection of the intestines. This is nothing like influenza. This illness causes painful abdominal cramps, vomiting, diarrhea, possible fever, chills, and dizziness. It is no joke. The only good thing about it is that it doesn't last long. By the second day, i was already feeling better. But the first night was hell, I literally felt like someone was trying to yang my insides out. i thought I was going to die. All this because someone either contaminated my food or serving utensils, let me explain. At my current job we are provided lunch on a daily basis. Nice healthy well-rounded meals. So of course everyone takes advantage of it. Last week people started dropping like flies, complaining of the stomach flu and I subsequently became a victim. Stomach flu is highly contagious and is usually spread by interaction with someone who has it, such as kissing, things of that nature; or by eating contaminated food that has been prepared by someone with the virus or by touching things that have been touched by someone with the virus who hasn't washed his/her hands. All this could have been avoided if people would just wash their hands!!! I lost two days pay and went through hell, all because somebody refuses to wash his/her nasty hands. What is wrong with people? I don't know if it was one of the food preparers, although I normally see them with gloves, or one of my nasty co-workers. Regardless, it takes all of twenty seconds to was your hands. I've seen women leave the restroom and walk right past the sink like it's not even there. Why? It's just gross. Washing your hands is one of the easiest task asked of a person. It's all to prevent things like this from happening. Now that I know there are some people at my job who don't believe in washing their filthy hands. I will be washing my hands after I touch anything in that office and i have no plans of eating lunch there anytime soon. I'm also thinking about investing in gloves. I'm no germaphobe but the pain I experienced two days ago was enough to make me more cautious. So this is my cautionary tale. Please be careful of eating out and wash your hands after touching anything someone else has touched. I learned my lesson a little too late, hopefully you won't.

I'm sorry the blog has not been updated. I am not feeling well but as soon as I do I will write more blogs that I hope you all will enjoy.

Keci

Self-hatred

Is a black woman who relaxes her hair or wears a weave practicing self-hatred? How about any black man or woman who exclusively dates outside the black race? Is it self-hatred or just a lust for something different. Black women have been relaxing their hair for decades, not because of a need to be white but because it makes our kinky hair easier to manage and it looks nice. It's purely vanity, not hatred. I have never been a fan of weaves but I don't begrudge those who feel the need to wear one. A good weave looks nice and most people who don't have long hair crave it. Weaves are the perfect solution.The only time I begin to wonder if someone hates her self because of her skin color and/or race is when I see a woman with blond weaves and blue contacts. There are no black people born with blond hair and blue eyes. It's one thing if blond hair complements your skin color, but blue eyes is just wrong and if you are too dark for a blond weave, I definitely believe you have some self-image problems. As for those who date exclusively outside our race, well either you hate yourself and what your skin color has come to represent or you legitimately don't find black men/women attractive and not because of their skin color or "attitude"or other asinine reason, if that's possible.

The question I have is why are we the only race that seems to deal with self-hatred. You never see white people telling those of their race who have genuinely defected to the other side that they hate themselves, why is that? Is it because of the long history blacks have had with being race conscious and feeling inferior? Why don't we love our kinky hair or dark skin? Our voluptuous lips and hips and bottoms? We should because apparently every other culture grave what we have naturally. So I believe it is time we learned to love these things about ourselves and be proud of who we are and how we look. We are all beautiful because of the uniqueness of our race. We com in all shades and shapes, with varied features and we have hair with the most versatility. We should embrace our blackness and love the way we look.

Purpose

Have you ever felt like you weren't doing anything with your life? You know you have a purpose in life but you just don't know what it is. Sometimes I feel so strongly that I am just letting my life pass me by and in 15 years I'm going to wish for the days that I have wasted doing nothing. I've always felt that I was meant to do something to help other people, yet I can't seem to figure out exactly what that something is or even how to go about finding a way to figure it out. Some days I feel like a shell of a person and that I am just letting life pass me by. I'm merely existing, not truly living. I hate that feeling, but I don't know what to do. Maybe it's fear holding me back, I'm really not sure. I just believe I should be doing something to help others and it seems that whatever that is I am going to have to do on my own. Being a Pisces, it's natural for me to want to help others. I don't mean giving a homeless person a dollar, but really making a difference. That's what I want to do with my life. It's more important than being rich. I feel so much for other people that sometimes I'm taken advantage of because I need to believe that there is still good in the world. I'm feeling a little lost though, trying to find my way in a world where everyone is giving up on each other. We as a society have become so selfish and self-involved, all we care about is what we want and need. Forget about the next guy who has absolutely nothing do to no fault of his own. Maybe if we spent a little more time helping others, society wouldn't be in the state it is today. It breaks my heart to see so many children committing crimes, joining gangs, murdering other people for no real reason at all. Locking them up doesn't solve the problem. They are replaced with other willing kids ready to "get rich or die tryin". I find myself constantly wondering what went wrong and can these same children be saved and if so what can I do to save them. I hate the world we live in. There is no peace, no love, only war. We are all at war with each other. Whether it's for a job or for oil, we are all at battle. Will it only get worse as time continues on? Will we lose more of our children to the streets, jail or the grave? Will we continue to become so self-centered that we forget what helping others is altogether? Will we continue on this destructive path and cease to be human at all. Being human requires the ability to care and feel. People who no longer do those things are no longer human in my eyes. They are the aliens. The evil doers. I refuse to lose my humanity and soul for materialistic things. I will forever be human. I've seen a lot of things in my 27 years on this planet, I've experienced some things that could have weakened my resolve to help others. I could have stopped loving a long time ago but I refuse to become that soulless person. We all have a choice in what type of person we are or will become. Will you allow the actions of others to control the choices you make? To decide the type of person you will be? Or will you refuse to lose your faith in the midst of the storm and hold strong to all that you believe in? My faith is constantly being tested and sometimes I seem to fail. But to fail means to give up and that is something I refuse to do. Even on my worse days, I still keep a glimmer of hope that one day I will succeed in helping others and maybe making the world a better place for my children or grandchildren. Without this faith, I am nothing.