Family

Oh the joys of dealing with family. Some of us have great families that we are extremely close to and love being around; others of us have the complete opposite. I love my family but I am so glad I don't have to deal with them on a daily basis. For example, my sisters and brothers are for the most part some of the most selfish human beings I have ever had the displeasure of knowing. They drive my mother crazy and worry her constantly. They refuse to go to school or get a job. They get into trouble and expect her to bail them out. It's all completely frustrating and it pisses me off, but my mother doesn't listen to me when it comes to them because they are her babies.

We can choose our friends, but we can't choose out family. That's an unfortunate thing for some people. I mean think about all the people who have abusive mothers, fathers, or close relatives. If your uncle molests you, you can send him to jail but at the end of the day he's still your uncle: family. That must be an incredible thing to cope with.

For those of you lucky enough to have wonderful families, I hope you appreciate them. I know having some family is often times better than having none at all, but when they make your life more difficult you have to wonder if that's really true. Families are a tough part of life, you don't have to like them but nonetheless you love them. It's always been funny to me how we can despise our family but let someone who isn't family talk trash about them and we are ready to come to blows to protect them. So I guess at the end of the day, no matter what we love our families no matter how much they get on damn nerves.

Being the Victim

I went to see Madea Goes to Jail last night and while watching the film, something resonated with me. It seems most people prefer to play the victim instead of taking responsibility for their own choices in life. We blame everyone else for our mistakes but our damn selves. I guess I could blame my bad choices on the fact that I was raised in a broken home, saw my mother get abused and I grew up poor; but how will that help me. Will it take away the mistakes I've made--no. As I was once told, we all have a sob story. Yes some people's are worse than others, but it shouldn't define who you are. If I let what happened to me when I was 15 control the decisions I make when I'm 30, I have no one to blame but myself. A professor of mine once told me that my successes are my successes and my failures are my failures, so own them. When you make a bad decision, own it; don't blame it on your father and what he did to you or your mothers neglect. Sure they may have hurt you and caused you unspeakable pain but don't let them control you forever. Forgive them and move on with your life. Holding onto all the anger and hatred only hurts you, that person you are upset at may walk around like he/she doesn't have a care in the world because your anger/hatred is only affecting you, not him/her. Your past can't define your present. We all have choices and whether we make the best ones is no one's fault but our own. It's time to stop being a victim and become a survivor.

Domestic Violence in Hollywood

The recent alleged altercation between Chris Brown and Rhianna has brought the topic of domestic violence to the forefront as of late. The situation is quite sad since these two young people had promising careers that may be tarnished or completely tainted now. There are a lot of people who are bashing Chris Brown and upholding Rhianna as an angel. I don't think this is right. Do I agree with him putting his hands on her, not at all; but I don't think he should be crucified either. What he needs is someone to really truly get him some help. Me calling him a horrible person won't change the situation or the fact that he obviously has a character trait that lends itself to abuse. What is true is that he's a 19 year old kid and its not too late to get him some help and teach him how to be a real man. I'm sure some people wonder how he could hit a woman after seeing his stepfather beat his mother, but that's probably the main reason he is susceptible to abusing someone. It's just like with child molesters, a lot of them were molested. It's behavior that was demonstrated to them and they end up emulating it. As a child who grew up in an abusive household, I know how that abuse can manifest itself in someone who lived with it. Chris Brown doesn't need to be crucified, he needs to be helped. With that being said, there are also reports from Rhianna's friends of past abuse, if this is a case than you breached your duty as a friend. If they really cared about her, they would have spoken out long before things escalated to this point. Hollywood is not immune to domestic violence, I'm pretty sure its pretty rampant there. So maybe all those people who are quick to judge Chris Brown and condemn him need to step up to the plate and help that friend or neighbor that they know is being abused. Let's stop acting like he's the first man to hit a woman or that he will be the last, just because your agent/manager/label has crafted a squeaky clean image for you, doesn't mean that's who you really are. Stop buying into what Hollywood is selling and realize that we are all human and that no one is perfect, not even Rhianna.

I'm waiting......

How long should a woman wait for a guy to propose? A year, two years, five years? I know this couple who dated for 11 years and then finally decided to get married, what took so long? I believe if you have been with a person for at least two years, then you should know by then if that is the person you want to spend your life with; if you can't without a doubt say yes this is the person I want, then perhaps it's time to say adios to that relationship. Why continue to string someone along, the longer you stay, the worse it''ll be.

I know there are those out there who claim to not see the value in getting married, especially if he/she lives with her/his significant other. They feel like it's just a piece of paper. Well if it's just a piece of paper, why are you so scared to get it? Women generally are in love with the idea of being married, we don't want to be your girlfriend forever. That just doesn't have the sound of longevity to it.

My boyfriend and I have had a few arguments about getting married. He claims he want to marry me but financially he doesn't feel like this is a good time. That's logical but to a woman it sounds like you're making excuses. I no longer want girlfriend status. I want to be wifey. I no longer want to play house, I want to get married and buy a house. I'm not enthralled with the idea of having a wedding, I'd be fine with the justice of the peace. I don't need all the pomp and circumstance, I just need the man. Once we feel as if we have found the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with, we no longer want to wait to make that fact known to the world. Keeping a woman waiting can be disastrous to a man, we will only wait so long. So while you're trying to decide if she's the one or if you can afford to marry her, don't be surprised if some other guy comes along and steals her away. As easy as it is to fall in love, it's just as easy to fall out of love. Time waits for no man.