Brown in America

So I just read a post on CNN from Lynn Whitfield's daughter regarding CNN's recent discussions on being Black in America. Mrs. Whitfield's daughter is bi-racial and posed the issue of why bi-racial children should have to pick a side on the race spectrum. Why should bi/multi-racial children have to define themselves as being one race when they are not? Interracial dating is prevalent in today's society and so more and more children are being born bi-racial. With the presidential candidacy of Barack Obama, who is bi-racial, race and it's place in society has become a burning issue once again. Would Black America have embraced Barack if he didn't have a black wife or didn't identify himself as being black? Would we except him a mixed race individual who is both black and white?

Why won't society let race go? Why must children who belong to multiple racial groups choose just one. It's idiotic. Who are we to tell someone who he or she is? Bi-racial children have enough to deal with trying to fit in without society putting more pressure on them. Why must one be black or white, why can't they just be brown?

I know its not that simple because people will never let it be that simple, but I can hope can't I?

Always the Groomsman, Never the Groom

Does anyone out there have a man whom she has been with for some time and yet he runs scared whenever you mention marriage or weddings? I attended a wedding yesterday where the best man joked about how he was the last man standing. The only one of his friends not married. Is this still a badge of honor once you are over 30? Doesn't it complicate your life when all of your friends are married and you are the only single guy hanging around and your friends can't hang with you like they used to so now you're stuck trying to meet new people or sitting in a bar alone trying to hit on girls.

Marriage is not a curse. It can be a wonderful thing when the two people are truly committed and right for each other. Not every marriage ends in divorce or is unhappy, there are couples who actually still Ike each other ten years after getting married. The point is don't sit in a relationship for 5 years and still not want to marry the girl. If you've been with her that long and still like her, marry her. No woman who wants to get married enjoys being your girlfriend for five years, it's not cute and is slightly embarrassing. So do her and yourself a favor and finally become the groom and not the groomsman.

Unconditional Love????

Is there truly such a thing as unconditional love? Can a person truly accept someone else despite any flaws that person may have or may gain at some point in the relationship. When I speak about unconditional love, I'm not talking about the love of a parent but romantic love. Can it be unconditional? If I was a size 6 when you met me, will you still love me if I become a size 16?We all have character flaws and most people have body image issues. We all want that perfect man/woman, but what if you like someone who isn't picture perfect who doesn't fall in to your usual type? You feel like this person is made for you, except she isn't the perfect size or she isn't the prettiest girl, can you still love her? Will you be embarrassed to bring her around your friends or family because she doesn't meet that cookie cutter mold that they would necessarily expect from you?

I know I have met guys who I thought were great but I never gave them a chance because they weren't physically what I was looking for and I am sure I may have missed out on a great guy. I'm not sure if I could really ever be with someone I wasn't physically attracted to, I would like to believe that I am a better person than that, but I can't really say I am. I recently found out it hurts to be on the other side of that criticism. Someone telling you you aren't quite perfect and that he has issues with the way you look. It hurts a lot and it is a big wake up call. I became very upset but then I realized that I have done the same thing in the past to others and now it's just my turn to get my comeuppance. So I'm left wondering if there is anyone out there who can really truly love someone unconditionally?

What's Wrong With Me?

That questions has crossed the minds of millions of young people over the years who question why a parent or both parents didn't love them enough to care for them or even be present. It's a question I used to ask myself whenever I would wonder why my father wasn't part of my life. What was so wrong with me that he couldn't stand to be a part of my life? That he didn't want to acknowledge my existence? There's only one right answer to the question and that is nothing. There is absolutely nothing wrong with me or any other child who has an absentee parent(s) from his/her life. We are not the bad guys. We did not ask to be born. We don't deserve to be treated any less than anyone else.

The problem does not lie with us but rather with the absentee parent. He or she wasn't man/woman enough to take responsibility for what he/she created. This person is selfish and not worthy to be a parent. I look back on my life and think of all the times I wanted my father to be a part of my life and realize that it was his lost. He missed the opportunity to see me excel in school, graduate with honors, complete law school and pass the bar. He missed the most important part of my life--the birth of my children and now he is missing watching two beautiful kids grow up. He has lost his opportunity to be my father.

If he came to me today, I don't really know what I would do. I no longer really feel like I need him in my life but would I deny him an opportunity to redeem himself by being a part of my children's lives? I don't know. As of now I don't have to worry about it, but I'm sure there re those of you out there who do have a similar situation occurring. Is it selfish to want to treat him/her the way he/she treated you? Or should you forgive him and do it for your children so they can know their grandparent? It's a hard situation.

The only truth I know is that there is nothing wrong with me and that I did nothing to deserve to be deserted by my father. I am a wonderful woman who recognizes her self-worth and am happy with who I am. Any one who would choose to miss out on that isn't worthy to be a part of it anyway.