My Rant

Men: can't live with them, can't live without them. (well, maybe you can, but they come in handy every once and a while). But why do they have to be so irritating??? They just have a way of pushing our buttons. For me it's when my boyfriend acts completely nonchalant about things they I believe are important; and it's not even things that concern me but rather him or us as a couple. That irks me to no end. Sometimes I just want to scream at the top of my lungs, but then I'm sure my neighbors would call the police and I wouldn't want that. Why do men and women think so differently? Why is it that we care so much more than they do? It boggles the mind.

I love men. I love hanging out with them, I love dating them, I love laughing and talking with them. I get along really well with men in general, but it doesn't mean I understand them. I spent most of my teenage years around my brother's friends and I loved to here them talk. It was useful to see how men talk about women and just get to see what men do when they get together. They are about twenty times worse than women. Men gossip so much!! They watch soap operas, they have silly know it all conversations and spend a lot of time trying to outdo each other. I can't count the number of times I have laughed at out of shaped over the hill men trying to show who's best at basketball or track or something physical. It's the funniest thing ever. It's all about the male ego. They just have to win or be the best. Crazy. And they are super sensitive, it may not be about the way they look like women are, but almost everything else is a go. Again it's the ego. It's such a fragile thing and they are the biggest babies when their feelings are hurt or God forbid them catch a cold. You'd think they had a life threatening illness, when we get colds we roll with it and still endure. Then they complain about how women nag all the time, when all we are trying to do is get some straight answers or get them to do something they should have or should be doing anyway. We don't enjoy yelling at our men or having to constantly ask them to do something. It annoys you, well what do you think it does to women. Sometimes I get tired of hearing my voice from having to repeatedly ask a man to do something or explain why he did or did not do something. It's physically draining and gives me a headache, so believe me "nagging" a man brings women no pleasure. And if you hate it that much, go get a man and leave us women the hell alone.

Scam Artist

A friend of mine just sent me a message regarding scam artist calling people and telling them that they have a bench arrant out on the for failure to appear for jury duty. The person then, of course, denies ever getting a summons for jury duty. The scammer then asks for the person's social security number and date of birth to verify that he was sent the summons. The scammer then uses this information to steal the person's identity. Normally, I would wonder who would fall for this? But I've seen too many news stories about scam artist scamming old people or people who don't really think that someone wold do something this devious to them. It's a sad world we live in where you have to be wary of everything for fear of someone being out to harm you. It seems the more we do to try and protect ourselves from scammers, the more sophisticated their scams become. These are obviously intelligent people, how else would they come up with scams that rip people off for millions? So why don't this people do something worthwhile with their life's instead of hurting innocent people? We have a tendency to look at these people like they are different from the average guy who pulls a stick up, but they aren't. They are just as bad and sometimes wore than the guy who tries to steal your purse. People who perform sophisticated scams are out to hurt as many people as possible with no thought to the harm they are causing. They are selfish and there is no redeeming quality for their behavior, unlike the guy who may have stolen your purse because he was hungry and saw no other way. Both criminals are wrong, but at least one may have a understandable reason for his actions. I have no pity or empathy for anyone who would milk old people and poor people out of the little money they possess. That, to me, is just evil. However, I do believe in karma and I hope that people who pull scams like this get what's coming to them a thousand times over.

Ebony and Ivory

With America being the melting pot it is, there are a lot of people who date outside their respective races. As we progress through time, this phenomenon becomes more and more prevalent. Most people have come to accept interracial dating on some level or at least tolerate it. Of course there are still people who believe in no racial mixing; but most often I hear people upset because they believe that someone chose to date outside his/her race for the wrong reasons. This reason being because they have interacted with someone who dates outside his/her race simply because that person beleives his/her own race is inferior or the person believes that dating someone outside his/her race is some type of status symbol. I am all for dating and marrying the person you love, regardless of ethnicity or color. It is sad however to hear a someone declare that he/she refuse to date someone of his/her own race simply based on some stereotype. A person never knows whom his/her soulmate may be, so why discard an entire race based on faulty logic.

We should all be able to date whomever we want without being ridiculed but we should also do it for the right reasons. Don't vow to date only Asian women because you think they are more compliant or only date black men because you believe they all have great sexual prowess compared to other races. Every race is compiled of different personality types and physical attributes. Dating outside your race should be because you like the particular person you are with regardless of color. You shouldn't date someone just based on race because you will face a rude awakening when you realize that women and men of all races have issues and shortcomings.

Case Of The Fakeness

The world is full of fake people. So how do you tell the real from the fake? I've met a lot of phony people in my time. They are easy to spot. You know the ones who sucks up to everyone. The ones who smile in your face and then talk about you behind your back. The ones who say whatever they think you want to hear or the ones who only speak to you when they want something. Being fake is like an art, it takes talent. It takes persistence and skill to be "on" all the time. I wonder if fake people even realize our fake they are or do they get so caught up in it they can't tell anymore? I would think it would be extremely tiring to spend all your time pretending. But I've been known to be wrong from time to time.

I believe in being real at all times. If I don't like you, I don't deal with you. I find it hard to pretend to have interest in what some one is saying or doing when I know I don't; which may explain my difficulty in finding a job. I just can't be fake and getting a job always requires at least some degree of fakeness on the interviewee's part because nine times out of ten the person interviewing you is among the fake and fairly skilled at it, since he or she has made it to a position of hiring. Just once I would like to walk into an interview and have a real honest no holds barred conversation. I just want to be me and not be judged for that.

Being fake has to be a learned behavior and I wonder when one learns it and how? Are there classes you take for it? Is it learned in school, from family or friends? I would really like to know. Politicians have it down to an art form and so do most successful attorneys and business people. I should just say most successful people in general. It's refreshing to actually converse with real people after being surrounded by fakeness for long periods of time. All real people at some point have to interact with fake people and I know how hard it can be. You may want scream or curse or even hurt them. Just let it go, because that won't cure a case of the fakeness. I'm sure there's a cure out there and boy would I love to find it.

The Price Women Pay For Beauty

When it comes to beauty, women will do and try anything to make themselves feel and look more beautiful. Why do we go to such great lengths/ One word:men. Men expect women to be perfect even when they are less than perfect. Men no matter how they look or how much they have all expect and some demand to only date women of a certain caliber. Every man wants that perfect 10, even when they are only a 2. Shows like Flavor of Love are a prime example. Although I don't necessarily view the women on that show as exceptionally beautiful, some are cute. Flavor Flav wants a dime piece even when he himself is more like a peso. Women are judged by how they look, not how smart they are or how talented they are. Women risk their lives in order to be viewed as more attractive by society. Prime example: Donda West. There was absolutely nothing wrong with the way she looked, yet she felt the need to go under the knife and change her appearance. This goes to show how vain our society has made even the most successful, intelligent women.

Women spend millions each year on beauty products, everything from makeup to botox. We torture our feet in 3 inch heels. Pay money weekly for manicures, pedicures, and waxes. Pay hundreds biweekly to get our hair done. Buy more clothes and shoes than any one person needs. Imagine how much money we would save in a year if we didn't go through this beauty rituals? It's funny how men can do absolutely nothing to make themselves look better and still get our attention, while we go to the ends of the earth to catch their eye. The woman who shuns these beauty rituals is seen as the oddball, the outcast. Why can't she just be true to herself, without being teased. Not every woman believes her femininity and beauty lies in makeup and form fitting clothes. Some women prefer being natural and they should be commended, not ridiculed.

Mama's Baby, Daddy's Maybe

Why is it so hard for some women to be honest about who fathered their children? Even if the guy was a one night stand or looks like the Leprechaun, he is still your child's father. It saddens me to see young women who have slept around so much that they actually don't know who is the father of their children. We've all seen the Maury Povich show. You know the one where the girl has been on the show at least 5 times already and tested 12 men of whom none was her child's father. What gets me about that is how could anyone short of a prostitute actually sleep with that many men during her period of ovulation? It's disgraceful and I have empathy for the child who has to grow up and find out his mom was on national TV testing 20 men because she had no idea of his/her father was; talk about teasing. And then there are the women who swear on everything holy that the man they brought on the show is the father of their baby, in fact, they are 1000% sure...lol; only for Maury to announce that the guy is not the father. Now obviously this means that these women had to have slept with more than one man during the time she became pregnant, so why be adamant about who the father of your child is when you know there are other possibilities? Just be honest and save yourself the embarrassment.

It is true that a growing number of men refuse to acknowledge their children and do need to be exposed for their trifling ways, but please be sure the guy is actually the father before you bring him on national TV. Men get a bad rap for denying their children and most of them deserve it, but when the actions of women bring into question the possibility of there being more than one possible father, men have a right to wonder and not accept as true your word. For example, a young lady from my hometown became pregnant and at the time she was pregnant claimed one young man as the father of her child and even went as far as to list his name on the birth certificate. Then the next thing you know, she declares another man the father of the baby. So she has one guy paying child support and another thinking it's his child. This is ironic seeing that her mother did the exact same thing when she was born and her not finding out who her real father until she was 17 years old. It makes one wonder why she would then put her child through the same circumstances? I guess the apple didn't fall far from the tree.

No matter what the motivation, women should not play games when it comes to who fathered their children. The child deserves more than that and perhaps if we were on the up and up, men wouldn't be so quick to deny a child. It used to be that a man would readily accept his woman's word that she was pregnant and he was the father. No questioned asked. He trusted her and didn't need any DNA test. Now its hard to even believe a woman when she says she's pregnant because so many women have used that ploy to try and keep a man. We now have to fight an uphill battle to regain the unconditional trust of our men. It's unfair to good honest women but we all, unfortunately, have to pay the cost for the ways of trifling women everywhere. But keep hope alive, maybe one day they will learn the error of their ways.

Sex and Society

With the new season of Flava of Love now airing, I began to wonder just how many women out there are willing to make fools of themselves just to be in the spotlight? This is the third season of women willing to kiss and even have sex with Flava Flav just to be on T.V.; because we all know none of them are really looking to date let alone marry him. It seems the more mature women rebel against the stereotypes and misogynistic displays by society, the more women with self-esteem and/or self-confidence issues fight to generate and display these same stereotypes. These women go on T.V. and ridicule and fight and act sluttish all for our entertainment with no thought to the images they are portraying. Some of them have children at home watching them make fools of themselves and believing that it's okay to be that way. Are they lacking love? What is it that makes them want to debase themselves? I hate seeing our children learn this behavior from these women. It's so pervasive in our society, that it's virtually impossible to shield them. It's the type of behavior displayed on shows like this and videos that teach young girls that its okay to be overly sexual and teach young boys that it's okay to disrespect women and have more than one woman at at time.

Yes sex sells, buy it also harms. If we as women spent more time uplifting our gender and encouraging inner beauty, men would not have the power they wield over us currently. They would give us more respect if we respect ourselves and refuse to be disrespected. Our image is society is so tainted and widespread, they some of us have come to believe in its truth. It is time for women to take hold of their power and show the world that we are the backbone, that we are teh future and serve a major purpose and that without us, men would be nothing.

Happy Cows Come From California??????

School children being fed contaminated meat!!!! 143 million pounds of contaminated beef recalled, most already bought and most likely eaten!!! What the hell???? It is 2008 and we should not have to deal with such gross mishandling of our food and lack of protection by the USDA. Isn't the USDA supposed to stop these things from happening before they reach the America people? Watching the video of sick cows being basically tortured just so a company won't lose money, is almost enough to make me a vegetarian but then I remember that the spinach was once contaminated too; nothings safe. This goes to show just how greed controls and motivates people who I'm sure already ave millions of dollars. Instead of taking a loss on sick cattle, they would rather butcher them and feed them to innocent people and most importantly children.

Somehow I don't think this was the first time this company or many others have taken shortcuts and put consumers' health in danger. It's also questionable that federal regulators didn't investigate this matter until after the humane society posted videos. What happened to routine inspections of plants? I am not sure what the process is for inspecting food processing plants and food manufacturers, but I don't think it's being followed properly. The company says that the practices depicted on the video were in gross violation of their regulations, yet someone we are supposed to believe that they had no idea what was going on. There has yet to be any company that had no inkling about what was going on within its on company, that would be bad management and bad for business. How else could they make millions or sometimes billions? Perhaps if there were more accountability by out government for such violations, companies would think twice before engaging in such dangerous practices. Of course, thats only if no one is on the take. Apparently it's not happy cows that come from California, but rather happy rich executives that come from California.

The Road Less Traveled

Have you ever wondered how different your life would be if you had done something you decided not to do? If you had only taken a chance or pursued an opportunity presented to you? Most people in life play it safe and never take chances. Perhaps you know a little something about this. Maybe you never pursued that guy/girl you just knew was your soul mate or maybe you never followed you dream of owning your own business. Whatever it may be, most people have something that they think back on and wish they had pursued. Society has taught us to play it safe, school teaches us to follow the status quo and be good little worker bees who don't ruffle feathers. We are taught to be followers, not leaders and innovators. I admire those who have always marched to the beat of their own drum. These are some of the most content people on the planet, simply because they follow their dreams and take chances. I want to be one of those people. I don't want to be just another runner in the rat race.

Taking chances in life are always scary and it's that fear of not succeeding that stops us. Imagine if everyone let that fear conquer them, we wouldn't have all the innovative things that we have now, we would still be living in the stone ages. Since the beginning fo time, people have taken chances and not necessarily because they were brave but because they knew their lives depended on it. We should live our lives that way and I believe if we did, the world would be a much better place. We all deserve happiness and not just mediocrity. Go for the gusto, take the bull by the horns and even if you fail at least you tried. There's a lot to say about trying, most things weren't accomplished the first time around.

So if you hate you job, find your passion and go for what you love. You'll be a happier person for it. If you've been eying this great guy/girl for months, go ask him/her out. Even if he/she turns you down, at least you took a chance and maybe the next time it'll be a yes. Don't let society dictate your actions nor your family and friends. Only you know what you want out of life and only you have to live your life. Trust me, you don't want to die with regrets. Be the exception, not the norm. Be who you want to be. As parents often tell kids, you don't know if you like or can do it until you've tried. Too bad we forget that motto once we become adults.

I am not advocating anyone sacrificing family or anything else important to follow a whim. If you have a family, you have to think about them. I am only advocating pursuance of realistic dreams. If you want to be the next Brad Pitt but have no acting ability at all, be realistic. No matter what you passion is you must have a plan. And I know that following your dreams are harder to do once you have a family, especially depending on what that dream is; but if you have a wonderful family and you are content with the life you have, maybe you should just count your blessings and play it safe. But for those of you out there who are unhappy and want something more and truly believe you have what it takes to make it happen. Don't let fear of failure stop you. As Nike can say: JUST DO IT!!!!!!!

Happy Valentine's Day!!

Now for those of you who are single, don't fret. You can enjoy this day, too. Valentine's day is a day of love. So love the one you're with, no matter if it's your friends, a boyfriend, or your family. I've spent many Valentine days alone, even times when I had a boyfriend i would be alone because I was always in along distance relationship. It's not the end of the world. We women put too much stock in this day. And if you are single but really love getting gifts on Valentine's Day, maybe you should find you a temporary 'friend" around January and hold on to him until Valentine's Day. I don't advocate using anyone, but if you are so desperate for gifts then so be it. Valentine's Day can also be the day that you as a person use to truly get to know yourself and reaffirm the love you have for yourself. So treat yourself to a spa day or a manicure/pedicure or buy yourself a nice piece of jewelry. Just do something nice for yourself or better yet for someone else who is less fortunate and I promise you will have a great Valentine's Day!!!

The Angry Black Woman

Black women get a bad rap in society. We get hit from all sides. A black woman can't get upset, if she does, then she is forever labeled an "angry black woman." The stigma with being labeled angry has tarnished the image of black women in every facet of our lives, from our relationships to out careers. If we get upset when we have been wronged at work, we receive the label. Of course, the same isn't true for our white counterparts. They get upset all the time, yet they aren't labeled "angry white women." This blog isn't to take shots at white women but only to explore the reality of being a black woman. Even our men justify dating outside the race, by saying black women are too angry. As if women from other cultures don't cuss and fuss at their men.

So if we want to progress in our careers, we have to make sure not to rock any boats and GOD FORBID a black woman have any type of emotional outburst and become highly upset and let it be known. It's like career suicide. Where did this stigma originate? Was it when black women decided that they weren't going to be treated like property anymore or was it when we decided that we deserved to be treated like equals? Whenever it was, this stigma has made it hard for black women to thrive in the world.

Black women have always had to be strong. We often are single parents and have to work and raise kids. We've had to endure begging the government for handouts and cleaning toilets just to feed our children. These things we are not proud of, but we are strong and will do whatever it takes to take care of our families. So I believe we have a right to demand more without being labeled as angry.

The age of the docile woman is over. Even Asian women, who have always been seen as the epitome of docility, are becoming more independent and outspoken. Yet, you don't see anyone calling them "angry Asian women." Haven't we had to suffer enough? It's hard enough getting respect as a woman, without having to worry about whether you come off too black and angry. Can the sistas please catch a break?

You Can't Handle The Truth!!

Why can't men handle the truth about their sexual prowess or should I say lack thereof? In the past women would never dare to tell a man he was bad in bed. She had no power, not even over her own body so any protest was useless. But now, women have begun to realize that they too deserve sexual satisfaction. We deserve ours just like men deserve theirs. So if you man lacks enthusiasm in bed or just wants to jump on top up you for 5 minutes or less and then roll over and go to sleep, you have the right to tell him you ain't having it. But unfortunately, men can't handle the truth when it comes to their inability to please their women. They don't want to hear it.

Men are even bigger babies than women. Them and their precious egos. The male ego is so fragile. Sure they may not get upset because someone tells them they are gaining weight, but let a woman tell a man that he is not good in bed and all hell breaks loose. Either he gets really angry or sulks. I'm not talking about when his woman is mad at him and is just trying to hurt his feelings. No, I'm talking about when his woman is trying to explain to him what she needs sexually and how he is not giving it to her. She's actually trying to help him, but he doesn't want to hear it. He's the "MAN"and he knows he can work it...LMAO. My question is: If you are such a "man" why can't you handle a little constructive criticism when it comes to your bedroom skills? Why should women have to massage your ego, but you should be able to tell us that we are fat or that we need to make some physical changes and we are supposed to be alright with that?

If women could sit down with men and have an open and honest conversation with men about what they need to do to please them sexually, everyone would be happier and satisfied... :-). Unfortunately that's not the case. Instead we are expected to just sit back and endure mediocre sex and be happy about it. But they would never stand for that. Men are quick to tell a woman when she isn't doing something right or what she needs to do to please him. We deserve the same liberty without the bitchin and/or sulking. Men can dish out, but they can't seem to take it. And you know what they say, "if you cant' stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen!!" Peace

98% Good Man

Have you ever had a 98% good man, damn near perfect, just missing that last 2%? Watching Katt William's American Hustle last night got me to thinking about that. For those of you who haven't seen American Hustle, it is a stand-up comedy movie featuring Katt Williams, the comedian/actor/rapper(?). While performing his stand-up routine Mr. Williams comments on how women are looking for perfection in a man and may give a good man who is 98% (damn near perfect) in order to search for someone with who is 100% perfect. Then in the end they end up with a man who is only around 71%...lol. Watching this made me realize how women do sometimes do this. You may have a man who worships the ground you walk on, is great in bed, cooks and cleans, who is basically a dream come true but then you throw him back because he doesn't make enough money or maybe he isn't fine enough. You want it all.

I believe that we do deserve it all, but, unfortunately, there is no such thing as perfection. Everyone has flaws. You may meet someone who has those few qualities the man you left was lacking but then he has even more different flaws. We trick ourselves into believing that there is always something better out there, but sometimes that is just not true. Now if you have a man who is only 80%, you may luck up and find someone who is better. You may even get a 95% good man but you could also end up with someone who ranks a lot lower. So before you discard that which you have, keep in mind that you could do worse. Now this is directed to women who have "good" men, just like in school anything lower than an 80 is less than average and you probably could/should upgrade.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to upgrade, like I said we deserve the best. However, often times I see women leave a good man with a few flaws only to end up with an even bigger loser. These women have traded in sugar for sh**. Then once they realize their mistake, they want the other man back but he has often times moved on to a woman who knows his worth. So just be careful what you ask for ladies, because you just might get it.

P.S. Of course this also applies to men, perhaps even more so than to women.

Dating with Kids

Dating in today's society is hard. First you have to meet someone who possesses the qualities you are searching for in a mate, then you have to hope he/she isn't just a drive by lover or isn't bisexual(unless that's what you're looking for). Those things make dating hard for a lot of people but the icing on the cake for others is that they have to learn how to date with kids or deal with dating someone with kids. This is a hard row to tow.

For custodial parents it may be hard to even find the time to meet someone new because you are too busy working and taking care of the kids. Then when you do meet someone he/she may not like kids or may not want to date someone with that kind of "baggage." Or perhaps your kids are possessive of you since they are used to being the only ones in your life and so they make it hard for you to date by being brats or finding ways to make you cancel dates. Whatever the reason, the reality is that it is difficult to meet someone when you are a parent.

Even when you are the non-custodial parent but remain a part of your child's life, it's not any easier. You have to deal with telling this new person that you are a parent and that may scare him/her away or perhaps you have baby mama/daddy drama and he/she reeks havoc on your life on a daily basis and it's ten times worse when he/she finds out you are dating or rather attempting to date someone new. No one wants to deal with that, especially when he/she has just met you and don't have a lot invested. Who wants to have to possibly fuss and fight with some deranged person that you had the misfortune of being with before he/she even knew you when there are other men/women out there without these issues?

The most important person(s) in this scenario are the kids. Depending on whether the other parent was ever in the child(ren) life, the child(ren) may feel like this new person is taking you away from him/her or may be he/she still has ideas of you and the other parent getting back together. This can become a volatile situation. You never really know how children will handle a situation, especially one like this, so it is best that you sit them down and discuss how your need to date again and give them an opportunity to let you know how they feel. It' also not the best idea to date someone for a while without telling the child(ren) because it would really suck when you do introduce them and one or both dislike the other. If your child dislikes the person you are with, you are in serious trouble because he/she will do whatever it takes to make it nearly impossible for you to continue dating this person. Now if your child is an infant, you only have to worry about possible baby mama/daddy drama, which will be more than enough.

I commend anyone who is willing to date someone with kids because it is not an easy job to do, especially when you don't have any kids of your own. I believe it takes a real man/woman to step up and deal with the issues that accompany dating someone with a child. It won't be easy but it will be worth it if you truly want to be with this person. You may have to put up with a lot and I believe the person should tell you this upfront so you can make an informed decision about whether you want to deal with the issues. Also you have to be sure you can handle having dates canceled or having to do activities that are child friendly. Your interaction with the other parent should be limited, especially if he/she is crazy. Not all people are cut out to date people with kids. It takes a special person to really be there and embrace the situation.

The other issue I want to address is that the person without the child should not get to attached to the child early on. This may lead to pain if the person you are dating decides he/she no longer wants you. Children are so special and can be so sweet that you can't help but fall in love with them, but this may lead to heartbreak for both you and the child. So please make sure you and your mate discuss you relationship in depth so that you will know just where you stand. Of course you never know when someone may feel the need to move on, so it may be impossible to protect yourself and the child from this heartache.

I want to clarify that I am not saying all situations have these types of issues. You may meet someone with kids and the kids are open and loving and the other parent is out of the picture for whatever reason or maybe the other parent has really moved on and doesn't mind his/her ex dating again. You never know. That is the ideal situation when dating with kids but it is often not the reality.

Be The Woman Men Love

This was the title of a Google header today that caught my attention. How the hell do you do that exactly? Because even when you have all the traits a man says he is looking for in a mate, that doesn't mean he won't cheat on you. Or perhaps those same traits will eventually become annoying to him. Men are fickle creatures. They don't even know what they want, so how are women supposed to be the woman they want? Are we supposed to read their minds? It's funny how these articles are always tailored to women as if we are the only ones with issues. As if men have it together and we are the ones who need to get it right. They always say it's hard to please a woman but it's even harder, in my opinion, to please a man.

Even if a man had Halle Berry, Beyonce, J. Lo, and one of the Stepford wives all rolled up into one, he still would find a reason to stray. A man's ego won't let him be happy with you, even if you are perfect for him because he thinks there's someone even better waiting around the corner. This is true for most men, no matter how sexy or not so cute. They all want perfection but even when they get it, they complain and want something more. Men are special creatures.

Let's say that you are the type of woman who caters to your man, at some point he'll complain that you are too nice and have no backbone. Perhaps you cook, clean, work, take care of the kids, keep you outward appearance looking nice, sex you man when he wants, sounds damn near perfect to me; but then he complains that you don't do these things good enough. WTF!!!!

So why should we try to be something other than who we are in order to have a man love us when he'll probably nitpick or stray anyway? We are all someone a man can love, it's just a matter of finding the right one. We can't be the perfect woman for every man, not even Halle Berry could accomplish that feat. If a man is the right one for you, he'll fall in love with who you are and not with who he wants you to be. We do too much already to please men who don't appreciate all the hell we put ourselves through just to look good. So why would they appreciate any other changes we make to be the woman they love? So ladies be you and if a man doesn't like it, drop him and find one that does. Until next time--Keci

Striking a Balance

Striking a balance between one's work life and personal life can sometimes being trying to say the least. This is especially true for those we overly demanding jobs and for most women in general. It becomes difficult to find time for those you care about and, even more so, time for yourself. It is imperative that we find the right balance in our lives for our sanity and that of those around us. Family should come first. Your job won't be their to console you or hold you or tell you everything will be okay when you are feeling down. Find the time necessary to show those that you love that you have value them and appreciate them and need them.

So many relationships end because one of the mates didn't or refused to have the time for the other mate. Perhaps he/she wanted to impress his/her boss so he spends 14 hours at work or maybe he/she spends all his/her free time with others. No matter what the reason, the failure to have a balance in you life will lead to difficulties in relationships. So if it means telling the boss no ii can't stay late or telling your friends or family no I can't come over or hang out tonight, it is worth it to save your relationship.

Often times we get so caught up in doing for others that we fail to take time for ourselves. In order to be a well rounded person we have to find time for ourselves. When was the last time you did something just for you? Women especially have a hard time doing this because we are so busy trying to please our mates or or bosses or our children, that we fail to take time to please ourselves. So go have a spa day or whatever you enjoy doing. If we are happy and stress free, our lives will be happier and less stressful.

Adoption Outside Your Race

With celebrities such as Angelina Jolie and Madonna adopting children from third world countries, it becomes important to ask how others feel about it. Is it right for them to go to African and Asian countries and adopt their children? How do we really know that they are good parents; since they tend to get preferential treatment when it comes to the adoption process. I mean we all see how celebrity kids turn out. Just read Perez Hilton's blog. Yet you can't argue that the children will benefit from growing up rich. They will have access to things they may have never had in their home countries like great educations and health care. What bothers me about all interracial adoptions is the ability and likelihood of the adopting family to teach the child about his/her culture.

A child should not grow up not knowing where he or she comes from. This is unhealthy and can lead to identity issues. The odds are these children are growing up around peers who resemble the adopting families and not them, so it is up to the families to teach them about their own cultures and let them choose which culture to embrace.

There are a lot of people in the world that dislike their race adopting children from other races or that dislike their children being adopted by someone who doesn't look like them. However, I believe the main issue should be whether this is a good family who can provide a loving stable home to this child. If so, it is better than spending your childhood in foster care and being moved from home to home between people who may only care about the check they get and not the child. No child wants to grow up in the foster care system. it east them up and spits them out and it may destroy their spirits if it's a bad environment. So any child, whether from the USA or a third world country, who is offered a better way of life should be allowed to take it.

This is especially true in the U.S. for non-white children who are generally harder to place in good homes because no one wants them and non-whites are less likely to adopt. So, should this children languish in our foster care system or should the system give them to a loving family, regardless of race and ethnicity. I believe the latter is the best option. None of these children asked to be here and they surely never asked to be unwanted. So why deny them an opportunity of a stable family life just because the adopting family's skin color is different.

So before we began to judge the white family down the block with the little black girl or Vietnamese boy, just think about the life he/she could have been subjected to if that family hadn't adopted him/her. I am all for same race adoptions if they are available but I' am also more concerned about the children's welfare than what others will think. So if anyone is considering adopting, I encourage you to do so if you have the means to and can provide a stable loving environment. I encourage you to adopt a child in need regardless of race. All children need a home. Here are some helpful links for anyone interested in adopting:

http://www.adoption.com/
http://www.adopting.org/
http://www.abcadoptions.com/
http://www.angeladoptioninc.com
http://www.blackamericaweb.com/site.aspx/family/adoptions310

Sex and Abstinence

S-E-X; that three letter word is so powerful. Everyone is doing it or at least it seems that way. However, I know that there are those out there who have been able to resist the temptation. I am not necessarily referring to just virgins but also those that may have had sexual intercourse but have decided t refrain from doing so again until marriage or forever. The reasons for abstinence vary and I commend anyone who has the willpower to do it. In my past I have taken what I refer to as "leaves of absence" from sex but that involved basically avoiding men. So, what I want to know is how do you date and stay abstinent? And how do you find someone who is willing to wait for you?

Sex is such a pervasive force in our society. It's all over t.v, in movies and our music and the books we read. It's almost impossible to avoid. Yet, some have the strength to do so and I want to hear how; so I welcome all comments because I have no answers for this question. And with the growing AIDS epidemic and growing number of men on the down low, abstinence seems like a better and better idea. So know that your comments and tips may save the life of someone.

We are sexual creatures and naturally feel the need to mate; however, I don't advocate underage sex because I know the consequences of those actions. So if anyone is reading this and under the age of 18, I urge you to seriously think about what you want out of life and realize that having sex too early and for the wrong reasons can derail your future.


Staying abstinent requires a lot of willpower and sheer determination. It requires immense self-control and knowledge of self-worth. Here are some tips I found on the internet and believe are helpful for anyone contemplating abstinence:

1. Avoid situations where sex is a constant, i.e...bars, house parties.

2. Set boundaries and stick to them--this is where the willpower comes in.

3. Avoid people who pressure you about sex and hat includes friends who don't agree with your lifestyle choice.

4. Spend time with others who feel the same way you do about sex and whom you can talk to openly.

5. If you are in a relationship or dating, make sure you tell the other person upfront that you are abstinent in order to avoid any unpleasant or possible dangerous situations.

6. If yo do have urges find other outlets to relieve the pressure such as exercise or getting a new hobby or volunteering.

7. Avoid drugs and alcohol...yes a glass a wine may be okay but too much can lead to loss of inhibitions and make it easier to give in to temptation.

Sensitivity

As I lay in bed watching the corny Jennifer Aniston flick "Friends with Money", the movie made me ponder whether women are really overly sensitive. In the movie, one of Jennifer's rich friends is having marital problems. In one scene she and her husband are working and he sees her eat a cookie or some type of junk food and he turns to her and tells her that her ass is getting fat. She, of course, is appalled and asks him why he would say such a thing to her. He says because he thought she would want to know. She then proceeds to ask him if he would want to know if, say, he had perpetual bad breath. He responds yes he would want her to tell him. He says it wouldn't hurt his feelings at all. So she runs to her other friends and cries about it.

I know that no woman likes being told that she is fat or becoming fat; but are we oversensitive? Throughout time women have always been viewed as the weaker sex and highly emotional creatures prone to sudden outburst; even though we endure more pain than men. We have to endure labor pains, menstrual cramps, menopause and many other physical conditions merely because of our sex. We have had to endure being raped and treated as property for ages. Ye we are considered "fragile" creatures. How is this possible?

I'll tell you how; because we are more open to showing our emotions than men. We are willing to cry and say when our feelings are hurt. We don't see this as a weakness but rather a characteristic of our humanity and a natural form of expression. Yet when we cry because someone calls us fat we are being "too sensitive”. Women as a whole are more in tune with their emotions than men, which is part of the reason why we don't want sex when we are unhappy because for us sexual intercourse is an emotional event not just physical. So that's why we are hurt when you don't call the next day. Most women can't detach their emotions from events.

A woman's sensitivity to another's comments and actions may stem from low self-esteem or self-confidence. I believe the more confident a woman is the less likely she is to take a criticism to heart because she knows who she is and her worth. Often when someone is treated unkind and told disparaging remarks when a child and never made to feel worthy of love; he/she lacks the self-confidence to handle criticism, even constructive criticism.

Another factor to consider is that when society tells us that we aren't beautiful or smart just because we look or act a certain way we become self-conscious about such things or even obsess over them; which is why so many young girls suffer from anorexia. The world has told you that if you don't conform to the standard than you are nothing and to have that ideal re-affirmed by others is a major blow to the psyche and then we wonder why women are so sensitive about things like their weight and looks. Our society has made us that way. We never asked for it and we don't get any pleasure from it. So please stop telling us we're "too sensitive" because we didn't ask to be emotional creatures or for society to make us self-conscious.

My last point I want to make is that when you feel as if you need to point out a fact that will obviously hurt the feelings of the person it's directed toward, there is usually a healthy way to do so which will minimize any hurt feelings. When telling someone something unpleasant you have to take into factor the personality of that person. If the person is a shy meek person with little self-confidence than the direct blunt approach will not work. You will have to use more tact and handle them gently unless you want a mess on your hands. Always think about the person you are confronting and not yourself this will lead to more healthy communication and happier lives.