98% Good Man

Have you ever had a 98% good man, damn near perfect, just missing that last 2%? Watching Katt William's American Hustle last night got me to thinking about that. For those of you who haven't seen American Hustle, it is a stand-up comedy movie featuring Katt Williams, the comedian/actor/rapper(?). While performing his stand-up routine Mr. Williams comments on how women are looking for perfection in a man and may give a good man who is 98% (damn near perfect) in order to search for someone with who is 100% perfect. Then in the end they end up with a man who is only around 71%...lol. Watching this made me realize how women do sometimes do this. You may have a man who worships the ground you walk on, is great in bed, cooks and cleans, who is basically a dream come true but then you throw him back because he doesn't make enough money or maybe he isn't fine enough. You want it all.

I believe that we do deserve it all, but, unfortunately, there is no such thing as perfection. Everyone has flaws. You may meet someone who has those few qualities the man you left was lacking but then he has even more different flaws. We trick ourselves into believing that there is always something better out there, but sometimes that is just not true. Now if you have a man who is only 80%, you may luck up and find someone who is better. You may even get a 95% good man but you could also end up with someone who ranks a lot lower. So before you discard that which you have, keep in mind that you could do worse. Now this is directed to women who have "good" men, just like in school anything lower than an 80 is less than average and you probably could/should upgrade.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to upgrade, like I said we deserve the best. However, often times I see women leave a good man with a few flaws only to end up with an even bigger loser. These women have traded in sugar for sh**. Then once they realize their mistake, they want the other man back but he has often times moved on to a woman who knows his worth. So just be careful what you ask for ladies, because you just might get it.

P.S. Of course this also applies to men, perhaps even more so than to women.

Co-habitation

Should mates live together prior to marriage? In today's society more and more couples are living together before tying the knot; if they ever marry at all. But is it conducive to a healthy relationship? Making the decision to live together is a huge step in a relationship and not one that should be taken lightly. It may lead to happily ever after or it may have you running from his foot odor and bad habits faster than a pig at a luau. It is imperative that you both assess the situation thoroughly and realistically. No matter how well you think you know or like a person, once you move in together you will find out some things about that person that you do not like. Whether it's clipping his toe nails in bed, her anal retentiveness, or his incessant nitpicking. There will be something.

Finding out your mate's bad habits prior to marriage may be a good thing. Living together could help you decided whether you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who refuses to put the toilet seat down. It may allow you to see all the flaws of your sweetie but it may also let you see a side of him/her that you didn't know existed. Perhaps your man likes to do the laundry or clean the kitchen or maybe your lady secretly loves to watch spike tv and drink beer with dinner. Living together may be the push needed to go ahead and say I do or it may be the wake up call that you need to move on.

On the other hand, many people believe it is wrong and sinful to co-habitat with your significant other prior to jumping the broom. They believe you are allowing him to "get the milk without buying the cow" and he'll never want to marry you. This position has some merit. I have seen women who've decided to live with their mates and five years later they are still waiting on a ring. The mate tells her that there's no need in trying to fix something that ain't broken. He/she believes that the relationship you two have together is working just fine and there's no need for a ring or marriage. Of course almost every woman wants a wedding or at least a nice size diamond ring on her left ring finger.

So living together can be a blessing or a curse. That is why it is imperative to set some ground rules and really discuss what both mates expect from the arrangement and the relationship. Don't do it for the wrong reasons like because you want to be able to have sex more often or just because it will save you money. In the long run, those factors won't be able to save a dying relationship. In the end, only the two people who are contemplating living together know what's right for them. No one on the outside looking in can make that decision for them. Just remember it is a huge step that shouldn't be taken lightly so please, please take your time and do it right!!! Until next time- Peace!

Dependent Lovers

Do you spend all your free time with the one you love or at least really like? If so, then you may be co-dependents and sabotaging your relationship. I know it may seem like your lover is the only person in the world you want to be with. He/she understands you, makes you laugh, takes you out, cuddles with you, showers you with attention, makes sweet love to you. Everything is great. You don't want to be with anyone else and you began to neglect your family and friends because you would rather spend time with him/her. Eventually one of you begins to pull away, for various reasons, and suddenly the other is left feeling lonely and neglected. What do you do now? All those people you neglected are ticked at you and of course they will eventually forgive you if they really care about you, but you feel numb. You still want to spend all your time with your sweetie and are going through withdrawal. It sucks! Your perfect little world has been turned topsy-turvy and you can't handle it. This is the result of being dependent on another for everything. It is one of the more unhealthy types of relationships in my opinion.

In order to have a healthy productive relationship with another, you have to strike a balance between your lover, friends, family, and any other outside interest you had before meeting that person. Neglecting the life you led prior to dating this person will only lead to you eventually feeling inadequate, lonely, and unwanted; even if that isn't the case. No two people can spend all their time together and expect to be happy. It's too much. Having other things going on in your life let's you appreciate the time you do have with that special person and makes those moments so much more special.

Another scenario is that the person you are with felt alone in this world before you came alone. He/she didn't have a balanced life to begin with . I remember a few years ago a friend of mine telling me that he was with this girl whom he felt himself losing interest but he was too scared to leave her for fear that she may just shrivel up and die. He was her entire world. She had no one else. This type of relationship is emotionally, mentally, and physically draining. The person begins to feel trapped and can't breath. This type of relationship can lead to devastating results depending on just how weak the dependent person really is. It' s hard to break away from a relationship like this. Fear and guilt are holding you hostage. There is no easy way to end things, but for your sanity and well-being it is necessary. So if you or someone you know is in a relationship like this, it needs to end. No person should be completely dependent on another. Ever!!!!!!

This is all my personal opinion, I'm no relationship guru. So if you have any comments are helpful tips please share.