Dating with Kids

Dating in today's society is hard. First you have to meet someone who possesses the qualities you are searching for in a mate, then you have to hope he/she isn't just a drive by lover or isn't bisexual(unless that's what you're looking for). Those things make dating hard for a lot of people but the icing on the cake for others is that they have to learn how to date with kids or deal with dating someone with kids. This is a hard row to tow.

For custodial parents it may be hard to even find the time to meet someone new because you are too busy working and taking care of the kids. Then when you do meet someone he/she may not like kids or may not want to date someone with that kind of "baggage." Or perhaps your kids are possessive of you since they are used to being the only ones in your life and so they make it hard for you to date by being brats or finding ways to make you cancel dates. Whatever the reason, the reality is that it is difficult to meet someone when you are a parent.

Even when you are the non-custodial parent but remain a part of your child's life, it's not any easier. You have to deal with telling this new person that you are a parent and that may scare him/her away or perhaps you have baby mama/daddy drama and he/she reeks havoc on your life on a daily basis and it's ten times worse when he/she finds out you are dating or rather attempting to date someone new. No one wants to deal with that, especially when he/she has just met you and don't have a lot invested. Who wants to have to possibly fuss and fight with some deranged person that you had the misfortune of being with before he/she even knew you when there are other men/women out there without these issues?

The most important person(s) in this scenario are the kids. Depending on whether the other parent was ever in the child(ren) life, the child(ren) may feel like this new person is taking you away from him/her or may be he/she still has ideas of you and the other parent getting back together. This can become a volatile situation. You never really know how children will handle a situation, especially one like this, so it is best that you sit them down and discuss how your need to date again and give them an opportunity to let you know how they feel. It' also not the best idea to date someone for a while without telling the child(ren) because it would really suck when you do introduce them and one or both dislike the other. If your child dislikes the person you are with, you are in serious trouble because he/she will do whatever it takes to make it nearly impossible for you to continue dating this person. Now if your child is an infant, you only have to worry about possible baby mama/daddy drama, which will be more than enough.

I commend anyone who is willing to date someone with kids because it is not an easy job to do, especially when you don't have any kids of your own. I believe it takes a real man/woman to step up and deal with the issues that accompany dating someone with a child. It won't be easy but it will be worth it if you truly want to be with this person. You may have to put up with a lot and I believe the person should tell you this upfront so you can make an informed decision about whether you want to deal with the issues. Also you have to be sure you can handle having dates canceled or having to do activities that are child friendly. Your interaction with the other parent should be limited, especially if he/she is crazy. Not all people are cut out to date people with kids. It takes a special person to really be there and embrace the situation.

The other issue I want to address is that the person without the child should not get to attached to the child early on. This may lead to pain if the person you are dating decides he/she no longer wants you. Children are so special and can be so sweet that you can't help but fall in love with them, but this may lead to heartbreak for both you and the child. So please make sure you and your mate discuss you relationship in depth so that you will know just where you stand. Of course you never know when someone may feel the need to move on, so it may be impossible to protect yourself and the child from this heartache.

I want to clarify that I am not saying all situations have these types of issues. You may meet someone with kids and the kids are open and loving and the other parent is out of the picture for whatever reason or maybe the other parent has really moved on and doesn't mind his/her ex dating again. You never know. That is the ideal situation when dating with kids but it is often not the reality.